Spacey Stacey

Is this really my life?

2011-11-13T03:17:00.001-05:00

I wrote this the other day, just getting around to posting it.

Yesterday I was sleepy the whole day but I didn't feel the lack of stamina sort of fatigue. I took it easy the whole day anyway, just to be safe. A bit before bedtime, the baby was climbing up on my chair and on me so I played with her bit (without even getting out of the chair) and it tired me out so much I thought I was going to pass out. Shortly after that I had to eat something so I could swallow my handful of pills that is my evening dose. I had to take them with sprite cuz I have been so nauseous this week. Standing there swallowing pills, still tired from doing nothing and in so much pain that I had limped to the kitchen, I thought "is this really my life?". Will it really always be like this?

just a small purge

2011-09-14T02:18:00.003-04:00

i'd love to be able to say that peace has returned to my house, but it hasn't. sure, the wife and i had a heart to heart and things were good for a solid 48 hrs. since then, they have been good in spurts, but at the moment i'm so annoyed i've decided its best if i don't speak to her for a bit because i know i will start a fight. so we are in separate rooms, doing our own thing at the moment.

i'd also love to be able to say i'm feeling better, but the truth is i'm not. my 20 year class reunion was this past weekend and i wasn't well enough to go. it wasn't so much the reunion as being able to go back to my hometown that i wanted, but regardless, lupus wouldn't allow it. i knew this way in advance and didn't even bother buying a plane ticket. however, that sort of put the icing on the cake of this feeling that there is a whole life out there that i can't live anymore. a life full of socializing, laughter, sunshine, baseball games... it makes me sick to my stomach thinking of all the shit i've missed out on since this fucking disease took hold of my body.

the other thing that has been bothering me this week are some people who are not in my life as much as they used to be and every time i see posts on facebook from them, it pisses me off but i don't quite know why. i mean, i didn't expect their lives to stop because suddenly they don't see me every day. i certainly don't want them in my life now, so its not like i miss them. i guess i'm just angry that i was written off so easily. i never thought the faces they showed were really their true colors, but it still upsets me. this is leading to me not posting as much on facebook unless its something upbeat because i don't want them to know that i'm suffering. for some idiotic reason i want them to think i'm fine without them. i am most definitely not fine, but it has nothing to do with them not being in my life.

since i have no health insurance, i have to go to the community hospital which is rather far (not to mention tolls, parking and wait time). but, it is what i have to do if i intend to get health care, which i can't avoid. every time i think about it, i get angry about having lost my job all over again. at least i'm progressing from being angry about it all day every day. so this week i have one appointment for bloodwork, another next week and a followup visit shortly after that. it has been almost a month since my first visit to the clinic and i have yet to get my referral to the rheumatologist. i am not going on 5 months with no rheumy visit.

Somebody throw me a life preserver!

2011-08-25T17:38:00.001-04:00

I feel like I am drowning. My head is swimming with a thousand suggestions from family and friends and I am sick to death of it. Everyone seems to have an explanation or suggestion for why I feel so horrible or what I could do to feel better.

There are those who constantly ask me how I am feeling, but that question always comes with such pressure to reassure them that everything is ok. Then there are those who never ask at all and go on like it isn't happening. Either they say I am doing too much or not getting out enough. One says I am not eating right, the other says I should add some new supplement to my diet that they heard is a wonder cure. I get lots of "you should exercise more." Either they tell me that I sleep too much or I am not getting enough rest. Or how about the insomnia I battle on occasion is in my head? Gotta love that one. There is also one who says my doctor doesn't know what he is doing because he hasn't been able to get my symptoms under control yet even though it is well known that it can take several years to accomplish that.

As fun as all that sounds, I have saved the best for last. I would like to present you with my all time favorites:

3. I feel so horrible because I don't think positive enough If I mention a new symptom that I notice or something that concerns me, I am bringing it on myself by focusing on it and being negative.

2. I don't have enough faith in my life. If I prayed more maybe things would be better. Or if I went to their church I would be miraculously cured.

1. While it is not my fault that I have lupus, it is my fault that my symptoms are as bad as they are. Apparently I make it worse by not eating right and not resting enough (because I have fallen asleep at my computer until 5 or 6 in the morning on more than one occasion). This blame then inhibits this particular person from showing me any emotional support because they are angry with me.

I realize that there may be grains of truth in some of those statements, but what I wish is that they would just stop with the suggestions, blame, avoidance and general nonsense and just take a moment to ask me what I want or how I feel about all of this. I would like more than anything to feel like I am not going through this alone emotionally. It would be great to have them talk to me instead of lecturing. And it would totally rock if someone would just hold me and let me cry on their shoulder when I feel that it is more than I handle.

Sometimes you just need to cry

2011-08-19T14:10:00.002-04:00

This entry marks the start of a new direction for my blog: my life with lupus. I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus in May 2009 and while I may have blogged about it some, I have avoided talking too much about the disease, treatments or my feelings about any of it. I have posted once or twice saying that I was going to, but I just reread those and I still played it close to the vest. I avoided it because I always thought that topics like that were too much of a downer to blog about given the kinds of entries I used to post. That then led to me just not blogging at all because the truth is that this disease has encompassed every aspect of my life and changed me in more ways than I was prepared for. The wanton lesbian who often gushed about her wifey and blogged about bringing sexy back has left the building (although I am begging her to return) and in her place is a very tired lesbian who is in constant pain, and fighting to get a handle in the whole situation. But the disease and it's treatment (not to mention the side effects of said treatment) are slippery sons of bitches and that handle on the situation is one elusive mother fucker. I hear people say "I have lupus, lupus doesn't have me." I want very much to feel that, but the truth is I feel that lupus does have me. By the balls even. (figuratively speaking, of course) I know that I have a tendency to gloss over things and answer with a smile so as not to look like a complainer or worry other people. So often my answer to the standard "how are you feeling" question is "fine" when I am not, so blogging about my life with lupus means getting more real and honest than I have been about all of this before, but not only do I need the outlet, I miss blogging. So after much thought I have decided that its my party and I'll cry if I want to. This is, after all, my blog and these are the things going on in my life at present. I don't plan to hold anything back or mince words. You have been warned.

So, as I was saying, sometimes you just need to cry. And that is exactly what I have done several times in the last few days. I cried out of frustration, anger, pain, resentment. I cried for the state of my health, my financial situation, my relationship... I cried because I don't want to be sick anymore, I don't want to pop a handful of pills twice a day anymore, I want my relationship with wifey to go back to being easy, and I want to not be so broke that I don't have enough money to go to the doctor or buy my meds.

I have heard that crying is supposed to be cathartic, but I honestly don't feel any better. Even now, I feel the tears there, just below the surface. Like if I were pushed just a little harder, I would burst into tears again. Maybe I didn't cry enough to make the tears to issues ratio tip the other way. The problem (for me) with bursting into tears is that I don't like to cry in front of people. You know, that whole "never let them see you sweat" mentality. In all the years I have been living with wifey and the kiddos (9 years), I don't think the kids have ever seen me cry even once. So not only do I have enough issues to bring me to tears, I have issues with the tears too.

My symptoms started in November 2009 and since then it has been an uphill battle. No matter what meds they put me on, my symptoms are not under control. When I got diagnosed, I had no symptoms and I thought I would stay like that for awhile. It took me awhile to process that I have this chronic disease, but I felt like I could handle it. 6 months later, the symptoms started with a vengeance. This was a new reality and I had to wrap my head around the diagnosis all over again. But I did and I thought I could handle it. When I started the meds I thought ok, I take these pills and I will get back to the old me. As it turns out... Not so much.

For 2 fucking years it has been a fight to even get out of bed most days, not to mention trying to hold down a job. I used all my vacation and sick time way before the year was up and ended up having to have my pay docked after that because I could not manage a 40 hour week. I even had to take naps in my car on my lunch break just to make it through the hours I did manage to work. You may notice that I am referring to my job in the past tense. That is because, on top of the health issues, I found myself without a job in April. No job equals no income and also equals no insurance. I applied for Medicaid but got denied because I am not over 65 or don't have a child. I applied for food stamps but got denied because, apparently I get too much money from unemployment. Mind you, unemployment is only half of what I used to make and my medication costs are now 100% out of pocket. But that doesn't matter to any of these agencies. I then applied for disability and also got denied. The disability doctor's report said I didn't look depressed. He must not have looked hard enough. Of course it appears not to matter that I have not been able to work a full time schedule in two years. Nor does it seem to matter that I have lupus AND fibromyalgia and am on 11 different medications (one of which I inject myself with in the stomach) plus other required supplements. I am, of course, appealing the decision and have hired a disability lawyer.

As if there were not enough going on, the stress us really taking a toll on the wife and I. I miss the days where we could lay in bed talking at the end of a hard day. Hell, I miss the days where we could at least be nice to each other. So many days we can't even manage that for a whole 24 hours. One of us inevitably snaps at the other and it is ON. The bottom line is that she is my wife and I adore her. I cannot imagine myself without her, but I worry that we won't survive this.

Through all of this I have learned a very important thing about myself. I base my worth on what I can provide for you. No sense trying to tell me that is bullshit because I know it is and somehow (even though I realize it is totally off base), I have not been able to move past it. I know this because I am at the point where I can no longer physically provide anything for anyone. I am actually usually asking for help from my family rather than doing for them, which has left me feeling pretty shitty. Even so, I used to have my job to fall back on. I used to think "I may not be able to help around the house but at least I bring money in." Well, that is gone now too. Can you see where this is going? My self worth is out the fucking window. Wifey has so much on her plate being her parents' caregiver and picking up my slack and now she has me to worry about too. She says I am not taking care of myself. She says I don't rest enough, I don't eat right, etc. She shouldn't have to think of those things. Yes I know she does because she loves me, but I still feel guilty. She also thinks that my not eating right and not resting enough is making my symptoms worse, so that creates a whole other complication for our already drowning relationship.

People have told me to stay positive and all I have to say is walk a mile in my shoes and see how positive you are after even 24 hours. I've also been told that accepting my situation may help me deal better. While that may be true, I'd like to see them in my position and see if it is just such an easy siutation to accept. Those words of advice roll of the tongue quite easily, but the reality of this isn't nearly as easy.

i whip my fort back and forth

2011-02-10T16:54:00.001-05:00

From my friend Nominator98 for Owl City... (he'll understand, I'm sure)

A suggestion for your fort theme song, even though it has nothing to with fluffiness.

******************************

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth

Hop about the fort turn my swag on
Pay no attention to them haters cuz we whip em off
and we ain't doing nothing wrong
so don't tell me nothing, i'm just tryna have fun
so keep the party jumping

so whats up (yea)
And I'll be doing what to do
we turn our back
and whip our fort and just shake them off
shake them off, shake them off, shake them off

Don't let haters keep me off my fort
Keep my guard up i know I'll be fine
Keep fighting until i get there
When i'm down and i feel like giving up i think again

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth ( ok ok ok ok )
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth

I'ma get more shine in a little bit
Soon as i hit the stage applause im hearing it
whether its black stars black hearts don't feeling it
but can't none of them whip it like i do
I, i gets it in mmmm yea i go hard
when they see me pull up i whip it real hard
i whip it real hard, real hard, i whip it real hard

Don't let haters keep me off my fort
Keep my guard up i know I'll be fine
Keep fighting until i get there
When i'm down and i feel like giving up i think again

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (ok, ok just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth

All my Weirdos if you feel me
come on do it do it whip your fort
(whip your fort)
Don't matter if its big or small
(big,small)
do it do it whip your fort
(whip your fort)
All my Weirdos if you feel me
come on do it do it whip your fort
(whip your fort)
Don't matter if its big, small
(big,small)
do it do it whip your fort (your fort,your fort)

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip my fort)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip my fort)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip my fort)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
(just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (just whip it)
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth (whip it real good)

I whip my fort back and forth
I whip my fort back and forth
I whip...

***************************************

Nominator 98
I'm epic!

telling it like it is

2010-02-18T16:41:00.000-05:00

you know, i usually try and be all upbeat and positive when it comes to my health. sure, i don't always succeed. i do have my moments, but i try to keep the complaining to a minimum. i do that so people don't think i'm a whiner, mostly. i get a lot of "there are people worse off out there." while that may be true, it doesn't always help.

another part of the sunshiney/upbeat thing is that, for the most part, you can't tell that i have lupus. you'd only pick up on the signs that are there if you knew what you were looking for. so people tend to say "but you look fine!" when i tell them i'm ill. the pain and fatigue show on my face or in my voice sometimes, but that is about it. i am always worried that people will think i'm just lazy, or making it up, or that i'm a hypochondriac. there is someone that wifey knows who seems to be inventing new illnesses all the time and she gets looked at like she's nuts. i don't want to be that person.

when i go to the doctor and he asks how are you, i think the worst i've said is "i've been better" and that was ONE time. my answer is always "fine" or "good". but the truth is, if i was either one of those things, i wouldn't be in his office in the first place, now would i?

but you know what i think today? fuck it. right now, i need to tell it like it is. its my blog and i'll cry if i want to, so if you want to skip the whining, stop reading now...

i'm in the grips of a flare (disease activity) right now and it is miserable. everything hurts. it hurts to sit, it hurts to lay down, it hurts to walk. and i'm so tired. oh god am i beyond any level of tired i ever knew existed. as a blogger who is far more eloquent that i put it "Everything hurts by bedtime; my back, my legs, my head. My heart."

on top of lupus, i have sjogren's (which boils down to dry eyes and dry mouth) and raynaud's (which makes my hands and feet cold and turn blue at the drop of a hat). so i'm tired, i'm in pain, i feel weak, my eyes are gritty and painfully dry and no matter what i do, i can't get my hands warm. i'm just bundles and oodles of fun right now.

i had to actually leave work early yesterday (which i don't do unless i feel like hell) and go home and crawl into bed. i stayed there until dinner, and managed to make my way to the sofa after that until bed time. i was able to rock the baby to sleep somewhere in there, but that was the extent of my activity yesterday. if only that would mean i felt better today, but it doesn't. i hate this shit with a passion. and let me just say that laying in bed listening to life go on all around me and not being able to participate fucking SUCKS! i know that there is really nothing i can do but ride the wave and take my meds until it goes into remission, so i'm trying not to hold on to the frustration too much, but it is fucking hard.

as for the medications, i'm on steriods, an anti-malaria drug and now they are adding an immunosuppresant. this is the shit they give people who have had organ transplants to prevent rejection. yee haw! doesn't sound like fun stuff, does it?

when i first got diagnosed, wifey seemed to think that acknowledging the fact that i have lupus means the disease wins the battle, so she was always trying to be positive about the whole thing (trying to find non lupus explanations for my symptoms), which i appreciate (since i know her motivation), but sometimes it just is what it is and i don't need a positive spin, i just need a hug. i still try not to talk about it too much cuz i feel like she will think i'm not being positive about it, but the other day she said its all i talk about. go figure!

i actually overheard her telling her mother last night that i have lupus. while it feels better to hear her admit it, it still feels a bit weird. my step son asks me periodically how i'm feeling. my step daughter doesn't ask much at all. i know that for the kids especially, that is their way of dealing. they figure if they don't ask much its less scary. and that is fine with me. everyone deals with these things in their own way. but in general my disease isn't discussed much. not that i want it to be, so thats fine. it feels strange sometimes, but still fine. like when i give wifey an update on my doc appointment or recent bloodwork and the kids are within earshot. it feels like i'm talking about something taboo. i know thats all in my head, but hey, i never claimed to be sane. :-) i know she told her family and friends about my diagnosis (and the recent addition of the new meds), but not when i was around. i know they ask how i'm doing, and she tells them the truth (which is not so good lately), but they ask in texts or emails or when they speak to her on the phone, so i'm usually not around or not aware that they asked. so while she and i talk about it (more than i realize, apparently) it feels so weird to hear her say it out loud.

and on that note, break time is over and i'm outta here.

peace, love and hair grease!

its been a minute...

2010-02-09T19:08:00.000-05:00

so where have i been? i've been busy being a medical trainwreck, thats where i've been. i've been to more doctor's appointments and had more tests run that i can count anymore. i have literally started carrying around a folder with all the lab results in it and just handing it to each doctor when i go in. i had my adrenal gland removed in september and a liver biopsy in january. meanwhile, the day after thanksgiving, i felt like i'd been hit by a truck. i thought i was just tired from the day before and brushed it off. however, when i saw that it wasn't getting better a few days later, i called the doc. he took me as a walk in right away. the verdict: lupus was inactive when he diagnosed me, but is active now. time to start meds. still on them now, still feeling like holy hell. doc is considering adding a third one to the mix. this whole thing has me trying to accept the diagnosis all over again. i got diagnosed in may and i knew i wouldn't always feel like i did then (no effects to speak of other than minor annoyances), but i thought i'd have a little longer than a few months. as it turns out.... not so much. my energy level is in the crapper. at least it gives me plenty of time to crochet.

in other news, to say things with wifey have been tense lately would be an understatement. however, i think we are on our way to working it out. the bottom line is that we still love each other and i think thats enough to see us through whatever the hell this is that is going on.

for the mean time, i'm still alive and kicking, and thats something.

a month? really?

2009-06-01T16:01:00.002-04:00

ok, so its been a month since i last posted. that doesn't mean i don't love my blog, does it? i've been crazy busy as well as just plain crazy this past month. so, for those of you who are interested, here is the update:

more health stuff. *sigh* i've had to relay the story to all my friends and family, so i'm getting tired of hearing myself tell it. the CT revealed a mass on my adrenal gland, going to see another specialist in july. that is their first available appointment. a freaking MONTH from now! there is more, but i really don't want to turn this into a list of my physical ailments so we will just leave it at that since it is the most pressing of the items.

still in therapy. i think i'm glossing things over with her just like i do in my personal life. i felt like the last session was just me telling her what i had done during the week and how busy wifey and i are. i'm not paying her to run down my task list. i feel more... out of control would be as close as i could get to describing it... when i'm not there. i make lists of things in my head that i want to mention. but when i sit down and she asks how i feel, i answer "fine" and smile pretty. i really need to cut that shit out.

i'm feeling the pull of my old religious practices again (santeria) and struggling with it. i stopped pracitcing for a reason, but it still speaks to me on a spiritual level. i'm torn. i miss it, but i don't miss the people that i associated with back then.

ummm.... i think thats it. not a lot, i realize. between the baby, the in laws, and my step daughter's work schedule wifey and i (more wifey than me) barely have time to sleep, much less blog.

peace, love, and hair grease.

not really here, only a figment of your imagination

2009-05-01T13:46:00.001-04:00

so, i've been MIA for a few days. i don't really have an explanation, other than the fact that true to my astrological sign, i can be a crab sometimes and retreat into my shell. i get quiet and don't feel like interacting much. i have mentioned previously the love affair i am having with facebook. but it goes even deeper than that. when don't feel like talking much, facebook lets me look out the peephole while staying in my little safe space. i can keep up with people without having to actually "say" anything. i can take a quiz and post my results or read my friends updates, etc. i have still been reading blogs almost every day, but when i'm in that mood, i rarely comment. so for those of you whose blogs i read, i still love ya! ;-)

here is whats been going on in my world:

i'm officially a step-grandma. the baby is almost two months old now. i thought i had already mentioned that on here, but i just looked at my posts and see that i didn't. i know mentioned it on facebook. (just more proof of how i'm cheating on my blog with facebook)

went to the rheumatologist, had my blood work interpreted, had some re-done. its lupus. it is, however, progressing slowly. for now, i need to get a ct of my lungs (he found an "abnormality" on my chest xray) and see him every 3 months. no meds or anything yet.

i went to see a therapist for the first time in my adult life this week. i liked her. of course it was the getting to know you session, so she didn't have any words of wisdom for me yet. i'm keeping an open mind, though.

i am back on the induction phase of atkins. so far i've lost 10 pounds, which is freaking awesome after being stalled for ever and a day. since i'm being much more strict, i'm cooking my own meals again, which has gotten me back into the kitchen. i LOVE that.

other than that, not much is going on. i'm still in love with my wife, i'm still employed. all good stuff.

in other news, while i was in my quiet space, there were a few days that i didn't log into my google reader. when i finally did, over 1000 updates. i think its time to re-evaluate my subscriptions.

i'm still sort of in the quiet-ish mood, but i'm around.

so... i did it

2009-03-26T17:14:00.001-04:00

if you can't beat them, join them. so i joined...

i'm a tweeter.

www.twitter.com/piedrafina

the only thing i've figured out so far is how to tweet from my cell (harder than most since my provider won't let me text the twitter number). don't know a damn thing about following, how to get my tweet feed into my google reader once i do follow people, etc.

the white elephant in the room

2009-03-24T16:02:00.003-04:00

i really can't deny it anymore. the state of my mental health, that is. something is up with me, but i can't put my finger on it. i don't know whether to burst into tears or run outside and scream. i feel anxious, sad, tired, worried, stressed. i'm on emotional overload.

added to the mix is the fact that i feel like crap physically. i keep telling myself that its all in my mind. i sat in that dermatologist's office and said i felt fine, now just because something came up on my bloodwork, i can't start feeling bad. its just power of suggestion, i tell myself. but all that coaching isn't working very well. i feel like i've been hit by a truck... tired, achy, dizzy.

anyway, i feel like i'm drowning in all of this, i just had to purge a little.

the waiting game

2009-03-12T18:01:00.000-04:00

i went to see my primary doc awhile back for some red spots that had started appearing on my face and chest. she sent me home with a script for hydrocortisone. it certainly didn't feel like a rash, but i didn't go to medical school, so i used it for a bit. no change. when i went to see her again, she said it looked like petichae (broken capillaries) and referred me to a dermatologist. that was late last year and i kept putting off making the appointment as i had too many other things going on plus changes in insurance, medical spending deductions, etc.

so, i finally got to see him the other day and he says the same thing. he also notices that my hands were turning blue (this happens often when i'm cold). he tells me he is going to have some blood work done and his office will call me with the results. i hear him say to his nurse that he wants a "lupus panel" on me. well, of course, i can't just sit and wait for them to call me when its something like lupus hanging in the balance, so i called his office a few days later. the receptionist says that my blood work is in, but the doc hasn't looked at it yet. i mentioned that i was very nervous about the results and asked that someone let me know as soon as possible. a few minutes later my phone rings. of course, i'm hoping its the receptionist. i don't know about other people's experiences, but in my experience, if the doc themselves call you, its not good news. when the office staff calls, its usually the all clear (although my pcp had one of her staff call to tell me they found cysts on my ovaries once). anyhow, i pick up the phone and its the receptionist. i think "YAY!" after confirming who she was speaking to, the next words out of her mouth were "hold on just a second, the doctor wants to speak to you."

FUCK!

he says i tested positive for "something in the lupus family", but thinks it is a more "benign" version. he tells me he thinks it is c.r.e.s.t. syndrome (basically scleroderma) and tells me my next step is to see a rheumatologist. he recommended one who happens to accept my insurance.

i have an appointment to see him on 4/16. a freaking MONTH from now.

so for now... i wait.

breaking news: bullshit tolerance hits an all-time low!

2009-02-24T16:56:00.000-05:00

i am so sick and fucking tired of people passing judgment on my life and the choices i make. i'm sick of the snide little comments and i'm sick of the narrow minded views from people who claim to be open minded. so once again, you will have to pardon me if this post doesn't make much sense. this is an open letter/rant about all the people and things that are pissing me off lately:

just because i'm not living the situation YOU find to be ideal, it doesn't mean i am suffering in any way at all. in fact, i'm happier than i've ever been in my life. and just fy-fucking-i, i find your situation to be FAR from my ideal. but i don't tell you that. i let you make your own choices and i don't judge. let me make mine.

just because wifey's kids and parents are not related to me by blood doesn't make them any less "family" to me. i married a woman with kids. together we are a family, even if i didn't give birth to them. what kind of person would i be if i didn't participate in their lives?

just because i work out of the home doesn't mean wifey sits on her butt. wifey works her ASS off all day too. do you really think that caring for both of her parents who have alzheimer's is a walk in the park? or that she sits home and eats bon bons all day like peggy fucking bundy?

working outside of the home does not entail me to come home and have to not lift a finger. what kind of person would i be if that was my attitude? this isn't some leave it to beaver shit where ward goes to work and june cooks and cleans. this is real life. we share the responsibilities.

i am not doing anything more than a hetero couple in the same scenario would do. why is it ok for you but not ok for me? why is it always "you have so much on your plate"? it should be "you GUYS have so much on your plate." all that does is show me how you don't really see my relationship as a marriage. i don't care how open minded you claim to be. i see through the bullshit and i would greatly appreciate it if you quit blowing smoke up my ass.

bottom line? if people are going to continue to make assumptions about my life and then judgments based on their own incorrect assumptions without giving me or wifey the benefit of the doubt, then fuck it. and if every time i mention something that i spent time and/or energy on i have to throw a disclaimer in there how wifey spent just as much time and/or energy doing it with me just so i can prove she isn’t' taking advantage of me, then (once again) fuck it. i don't have the energy to engage in those kinds of conversations. if that means not talking about my personal life with you, then so be it. i don't need your (unsolicited) input or approval.

oh and for those people in my real life who may stumble across this (if you still read my blog), don't go getting all upset. even if it sounds like it, the above may not refer to anything you said or did. i've been getting this shit from all sides lately.

stressed

2009-02-23T16:09:00.002-05:00

you will have to excuse me if this post is backwards and sideways and vague. i'm WAY stressed right now.

sometimes life is smooth sailing, sometimes not so much. sometimes i can handle the madness, sometimes not so much. lately i have had bunches of those not so much days. at one point this weekend, wifey looked at me and said "i'm overwhelmed." i couldn't agree more. on top of the normal madness that is our life, it seems like everything else is happening at once... sick pets, kid issues, etc. it all just seemed to hit frenzied pace on friday when someone said something to me that pissed me off. what an eye opener that was, and not the good kind.

and to top it all off, i have a fucking toothache!

something blue/celebrating love

2009-02-17T18:30:00.003-05:00

ok, so my last two posts for the blog carnival is late. i took a few days off to help the wife paint the house before the step-daughter gives birth and didn't get around to posting.

i don't have a pic of my something blue (paint covered hands kind of hinder picture taking. :D) so, lets just pretend you are looking at a picture of a tiny blue gift box (ring sized) with a blue bow. that was the box my valentine's gift (a new thumb ring) came in.

and as for the celebrating love contribution, after a day of painting (friday) and a morning/afternoon at the vet (saturday), we were very tired lesbians. so, we celebrated our love by getting valentine's themed boxers for the whole family, putting them all on and watching a movie together. as i told the wife, hey, it wasn't the most romantic day we've ever spent, but a - we spent the whole day together and b - we spent the evening with the people that matter most. that is a perfect valentine's day for me.

something borrowed

2009-02-12T11:34:00.003-05:00

that is my first tattoo - it is on my right breast. so why am i posting it as my "something borrowed" contribution? well, i had always wanted a tattoo, but never had the guts to get one. when i met wifey, she had 3 (she has 5 now). she offered to take me to her tattoo artist and sit with me while i got it done. so we went, i looked at the art on the walls, and i fell in love with this butterfly. once i made my decision, i called the wife over and said "this one." she asked me if i was sure at least 3 times (no exaggeration). i finally got frustrated and asked why she kept asking that. to which she lowers the neckline of her shirt a little on the left and shows me that exact tattoo. no wonder i liked it... i'd seen it so many times. still, i was in love with it. i had seen another butterfly tattoo with a star on the wing which i liked, but i liked this butterfly better, so i decided i would have them add the star to this one to make it a little more personal (since stars and butterflies mean something to me). so i might have changed it a little, and it might have been totally on acciedent, but the design was still borrowed from the wife.

something new

2009-02-11T17:02:00.003-05:00

my something new contribution is the newest addition to the furry part of our family: tammy

something old

2009-02-10T19:20:00.005-05:00

i'm participating in the blog carnival for freedom to marry week.

The way it works is simple. Each day next week, post to your blog or facebook page something on these topics, according to the "olde" wedding tradition:

Tuesday, Feb. 10... Something Old
Wednesday, Feb. 11... Something New
Thursday, Feb. 12... Something Borrowed
Friday, Feb. 13... Something Blue
Saturday, Feb. 14... Valentine's Day: Celebrate Love

in july 2002, we had a commitment ceremony on the beach in key west at sunset. of course it wasn't a real legal "wedding", but to us it was. so, in honor of freedom to marry week. and in the hopes that one day we can make it as legal as it feels to us in our hearts, here is my two part "something old" contribution.

a pic of the place we stayed on our honeymoon (an all girl hotel in key west):

and an except from a post i wrote about it awhile back (on my old blog)

let me set the scene for you. i'm in a hotel room in key west that opens out to the pool. its an all female hotel. really. men aren't allowed on the property at all. my mom and i are in the room, just having put the final touches on my wedding hair do and pedicure. we walk out and all the lesbians in the pool see me in a wedding dress (gorgeous off the shoulder cream colored dress with tafetta flowers along the shoulders and neckline and a full skirt, thank you ) and they all say "AWWW" in unison. my mom is so excited that she exclaims "we're getting married! well not me and her, i'm her mom" of course everyone cracks up and off we go to the beach for the sunset ceremony. *cue the music* bryan adams and barbara streisand are singing "i finally found someone" as she and i walk through the sand to each other, me escorted by my mother, she escorted by a close guy friend of ours (who took his job VERY seriously, it was so precious). as the sun set, we promised to love each other forever and exchanged rings. afterwards, we shared cake with our closest friends and my mother and step-dad and posed for tons of pics. we spent the remainder of the wekeend in key west and were back at work on monday. its been wedded bliss ever since.

behind the wheel - musical meme action

2009-02-09T17:49:00.003-05:00

i saw this one somewhere and thought it would be interesting. most of the answers seem a bit random to me, but i spent the time on my lunch break doing it, so i'm posting it anyway. where i found the answer appropriate, i commented.

***********************************************

What do your friends think of you?
love bites by def leppard

How would you describe yourself?
don't leave me this way by donna summer (i don't want to stay this way (ie overweight) forever)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
tell it to my heart by taylor dayne

How do you feel today?
feel good inc by gorillaz (i do feel good. a little frazzled, by good)

What is your life’s purpose?
shameless by garth brooks

What is your motto?
when i grow up by the pussycat dolls

What do you think about very often?
a question of time by depeche mode

What do you think of your best friend?
ay bay bay by hurricane chris

What do you think of the person you like?
all by myself by eric carmen (this song actually does remind me of wifey. its an inside joke with us)

What is your life story?
get fucked up by iconz

What do you want to be when you grow up?
been so long by anita baker

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
culo by pitbull (culo means butt in spanish. wifey does have a nice one. *drool*)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
borracho y loco by los enanitos verdes (borracho y loco means drunk and crazy)

What will they play at your funeral?
i wish by r. kelly

What is your hobby/interest?
baby blue by george strait

What is your biggest fear?
its going down by yung joc

What is your biggest secret?
cuidarte el alma by chayanne

What do you think of your friends?
me so horny by 2 live crew (wtf? LMAO!)

What will you post this as?
behind the wheel by depeche mode

i do not want this

2009-02-06T16:25:00.002-05:00

i am in a horrible mood today. its one of those days where everything bothers me. certain people are just getting on my nerves, there is too much to do, not enough money to do it with, not enough time to do it all, i have had no results on my diet in way too long... and on and on the list goes. i hate being in this mood. that, of course, only makes the mood worse. i had a little freak out last night which led to a fight with the wife, which also makes the mood worse. we aren't still fighting or anything, but i am always OFF for awhile when we fight. the only thing that has made me laugh all day was the memory of me telling the wife "oh no you DIDN'T!" when she said something i didn't like. sometimes my inner sha-nay-nay comes out. lol.

so many times when i feel like this people say that wifey and i have too much on our plates and we need to take a break. easy for them to say... who stays with her parents and the kids while we take our break? nobody is willing to. and if we went somewhere, what exactly can we do for zero dollars? we could go to the beach and walk around or go to the lesbian club before they start charging cover at 11, but there is the issue of gas and parking. we are seriously in that tight of a financial situation that those things are a concern.

aside from that, another huge frustration for me is the diet issue. i can't tell you how tired i am of watching every SINGLE bite of food going in my mouth and getting no results. i have willpower like you wouldn't beleive, but i need to see results. "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is a good mantra, but not so much when you aren't losing weight. maybe i need to switch to south beach or something. all i know is i can't take much more of this. this issue is bigger than just what i eat. i'm so tired of not liking what i see in the mirror. the wife, bless her, thinks i'm a super-hottie. while that does help, it doesn't change it completely.

to top it off, i haven't been feeling the greatest this week. i'm a sleepy head, but this week has been out of hand. no matter how many hours a day i sleep, i'm exhausted all day long. someone at work was saying its because i'm stressed out, but i don't feel stressed. sure, wifey and i (more wifey since she stays home with them) have more on our plates than the average person, but i've pretty much adjusted to level of madness.

maybe i just need a drink.

random questions - a FB meme

2009-02-04T17:15:00.002-05:00

Here are the rules - post this list on your blog replacing my answers with yours. Tag 25 people to do the same thing. If I tagged YOU, it's because I want to know more about YOU!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
been awhile... i can't remember exactly. maybe a month ago.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yeah, sure

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
roast beef

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
not of my own, but i love my step-kids like they were mine.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
absolutely! pound for pound, i'm your best entertainment value! :-)

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
who me? never! ;-)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP
no way, never ever. not even if you paid me.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
i don't eat cereal anymore (diet restrictions). but i used to love lucky charms

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
nope

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
i don't eat ice cream either (more diet restrictions), but when i used to... i'd have to say it was a tie between mint chocolate chip and moose tracks.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
their smile

15. RED OR PINK?
pink

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
too self conscious (a close second... i can be too sarcastic sometimes)

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
my old friends

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
hell yeah!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
jeans and black sketchers

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
my office mate's radio (gloria estefan - words get in the way)

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
i'm too diverse to be only one color! i'm the whole box, baby! :-)

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
lots! honeysuckle, coffee, fabric softener, baby phat perfume

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
horten

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
yep!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
football, but i rarely watch it. close second is baseball which i watch all the time (step-son is in little league)

27. HAIR COLOR?
dark brown/black

28. EYE COLOR?
light brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
nope. i opted for glasses

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
chinese or mexican

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
depends on my mood

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
the last thing i watched was house season 1 on DVD, but that is not a movie, so it would have to be hancock.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
green striped

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter. summers in miami can be brutal

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
definitely both

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
don't know

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
don't know

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
the night stalker: the life and crimes of richard ramirez by phillip carlo

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
jack black (its a nacho libre mouse pad - i work in the movie business, ok?) :-)

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
fresh prince of bel air (nick at night)

42. FAVORITE SOUND(s)
rainstorms, music (all kinds), my kitten purring

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
rolling stones, without a doubt

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
los angeles, i guess

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
of course i do!

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
san antonio

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
everyone!

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
we were introduced through a mutual online friend.

************************************************************************************

this was actually from FB, but i wanted to post something today, so i'm posting it here too. i'm feeling bloggy but with no time to blog, really. so, i'm not tagging anyone, play if you want. :-)

peace love and hair grease!

a dedication to my wife

2009-01-29T18:41:00.000-05:00

***WARNING! sappy lesbians ahead!***

you know, you can take the girl out of texas, but you can't take the texas out of the girl -- at least thats what i say when i listen to country music and someone makes a face. when i'm being "ghetto" (that is the kids' description, not mine), i say you can take the mexican out of the barrio (ghetto), but you can't take the barrio out of the mexican.

anyway, our anniversary is coming up soon. 2/25 makes 10 years for the wife and i. that still amazes me when i think about it. 10 years is a long time. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining. it just doesn't feel like we've been together that long. well, you know what they say... time flies when you are having fun. so today, i started listening to a few country songs and it took me down a musical path that made me both homesick and sentimental.

first came "little moments" by brad paisley, which is such a fitting song for the wife and i. (here is the video in case you are interested - not the actual video since i couldn't find it on youtube, but at least you can hear the song) he is basically talking about his wife and the cute things she does. i DO live for little moments like that.

then came "shameless" by garth brooks (here is the video in case you are interested - again, not the actual video since i couldn't find it on youtube either, but at least you can hear the song). i dedicated this one to the wife just before our commitment ceremony.

and then came "you had me from hello" by kenny chesney. i'd heard it before, but today it made my eyes water.

One word, that's all you said
Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head.
Your smile, just captured me
And you were in my future as far as I could see
And I don't know how it happened, but it happened still
You asked me if I love you, if I always will

Well you had me from "Hello"
I felt love start to grow
The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me
It was over from the start
You completely stole my heart
And now you won't let go
I never even had a chance you know
You had me from "Hello"

Inside, I built a wall
So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall
One touch, you brought it down
The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground
And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again
The last time was the last time I let someone in

But you had me from "Hello"
I felt love start to grow
The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me
It was over from the start
You completely stole my heart
And now you won't let go
I never even had a chance you know
You had me from "Hello"

That's all you said
Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head
You had me from "Hello"
You had me from "Hello"
Girl I've loved you from "Hello"

it might be goofy, but its true. sweetie, you DID have me from hello. *insert sappy sigh here*

boring!

2009-01-28T16:11:00.001-05:00

i'm tired of this blog design. i want something new, but i don't know where to begin. help!

L words (and P words too)

2009-01-19T17:17:00.002-05:00

its meme time, folks!

Here’s the instructions: How this memetic works is that you leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. Then you write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.
(note, i didn't write the instructions, i just copied and pasted them)

my friend ben posted this meme on her blog recently. then my other friend wreckfish, having commented on ben's post did the meme as well. i, of course, couldn't pick whose post to reply to, so i did both! :-)

so, without further adieu, here are my two letters:

L words (assigned by wreckfish)

Lesbians - yes, i am one, but that is not why this is on my list. i am FASCINATED by lesbians. the labels we give ourselves, the stereotypes, etc.

Lips - specifically, the wife's lips. they have a way of hypnotizing me when she kisses me.

Lipstick - i love being girlie and wearing lipstick. and when the wife wears lipstick, i get weak in the knees.

Love - i love being in love.

Lying - in bed with my wife, that is. she is the best cuddler EVER! :-)

Lashes - i love lots of mascara when i put make up on.

Lust - 'nuff said

Looks - i love the little looks wifey and i steal when no one is looking. we say volumes with those looks.

Lube - cherry flavored, warming, tingling... its all good. ;-)

Listing memes - like this one!

P words (assigned by ben)
before listing my P words, i would like to note that i refrained from listing the first thing that came to mind that starts with this letter. i'm sure you know what it is, and if you don't, your mind isn't far enough in the gutter.

Polish - i always feel my sexiest when my nails and toes are done.

Pets - i must love them, i have a house full of them.

Primping - i love the whole process of primping and getting all dressed up. the make up, the perfume, the shoes, the clothes, the hair.

Pasta - i don't actually eat it anymore, but i used to love it. the reason for loving it now: its so easy to cook. pasta nights are my favorite cuz it means less time in the kitchen. i love cooking, but after a long day at work, quick meals are a good thing.

Passion - 10 years and the wife and i still have so much passion in our relationship its amazing.

Passionate sex - 'nuff said

Photoshop - i've been using it more and more at work and i really enjoy it.

Playfulness - one of the many qualities i love about the wife

Pow pow - that is a playful way to say "spanking" in spanish. pow pows are good stuff. ;-)

Posting memes - like this one!

your turn!

this post brought to you by the letters l and p, of course.

i'm pretty much a big deal

2009-01-12T16:10:00.001-05:00

i work for a movie distribution company. every time i say (or type) that, i heard the gym class heroes in my head - "i'm pretty much a big deal". of course, i'm not, but saying that i'm the director of operations for a movie distrubition company makes people think i am. LOL. anyway, back to my story. i work for a movie distribution company. the owner used to be in the music business in the 70's and he IS pretty much a big deal, both for his fame back then and now for the success of this company. i'm used to that. he was behind the scenes (management, etc) and not a rock star, so i respect his past successes, but i'm not star struck by him.

a few years ago, i found out that one of our sales reps was in an all girl rock band in the 70's and i thought it was pretty cool. she mentioned that the name of the band was fanny, but i'd never heard of them. they were inducted into the hall of fame in her home state a few years ago and she and some of the original band members performed live, which i thought was way cool too. i saw a presentation she put together (slide show set to music) for the performance, but i didn't really think about it any more after that. fast forward to this christmas - for our company holiday party, i did a video slide show presentation with pics of each employee, complete with music, etc. when i took home one of the demos to check it at home, wifey saw pics of the sales rep in question playing drums and asked what the story was, so i told her, "she was in some rock band back in the 70's" and left it at that. wifey, being the nosey woman that she is, kept asking questions. what songs, when, how long was she in the band, why did they break up, etc. so, the other night, i decided to do a little research on this band and answer wifey's questions. well, my friends, i was blown away at what i read. she and her band were most definitely a big deal. here is what david bowie had to say about thema:

"One of the most important female bands in American rock has been buried without a trace. And that is Fanny. They were one of the finest fucking rock bands of their time, in about 1973. They were extraordinary: They wrote everything, they played like motherfuckers, they were just colossal and wonderful, and nobody's ever mentioned them. They're as important as anybody else who's ever been, ever; it just wasn't their time. Revivify Fanny. And I will feel that my work is done."

david freaking bowie! not some unknown person... david freaking bowie! well, needless to say i was impressed, so i continued my google searching. i went to youtube and found a video of them performing on the sonny and cher show. i read tons of stuff about them on various websites, how they were the first all girl rock band ever, how they opened the door for female rockers, etc. i read interviews with them, saw pics. i went to the website (www.fannyrocks.com). i learned all about this whole other side to this person who i've known for over 6 years.

today, my boss brought the box set in for me to listen to. now, after seeing them perform, listening to their music and knowing the way cool person behind it, i'm star struck! seriously! i know a freaking rock star! and not just someone who is a rock star in their own minds, but a real life freaking rock star! someone who has a definite place in rock and roll history.

how fucking cool is that?

last night

2009-01-08T16:03:00.004-05:00

i was lying in bed last night, thinking and talking to the wife about some heavy stuff and overkill by men at work kept running through my head:

"I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps its just my imagination"

splintered, i know you posted these lyrics once too... i swear we knew each other in a past life!

no worries, greenfairy/spaceystacey fans, there is no trouble in our relationship. we are still the same happy, sappy, hot lesbians we always were. we were discussing............. stuff. :-) stuff i'm not ready to share with anyone yet, but serious, life changing decisions kind of stuff. can we do this? can we handle this? how will i feel 5 years from now if i do? how will i feel 5 years from now if i don't? ugh! the weight of it all!

anyhow, i woke up this morning with this song still in my head and with a driving need to hear it. how upset was i when i got in my car, plugged in my ipod only to discover i don't have this song on there? as soon as i was able once i got to work, i watched the video on youtube. in case you wanna hear it, here it is.

in other news, my computer at work took a shit. i'm using a loaner. pretty bad ass loaner, too.

i'm off to post an update on my low carb blog. catch ya on the flip side, peeps!

peace, love and hair grease!

happy new year!

2009-01-05T16:42:00.001-05:00

i feel like i've been out of the loop for awhile. i haven't been posting or commenting much at all. please don't take it personally my dear bloggie peeps. i still love each and every one of you. ;-) i've just been overwhelmed. but, i think i'm back. at least for a bit.

not much to update on, really. the step-daughter is still pregnant, due in late march. she's had a rough pregnancy, poor thing. the wife and i are still madly in love. i'm still stalled with my weight loss (see my low carb blog).

i don't do resolutions, but i do have a list of things i'd like to do this year:

i'd like to craft more. i'm trying for one project/afghan square a week.
i'd like to have more family time now that my work schedule is a bit different.
i want to start cooking again. i haven't cooked in a bit and i miss it.

i always say that what you are doing new year's eve sets the tone for the coming year and this new year's eve was nice and quiet. we spent it with family. i hope that the coming year is surrounded by family indeed (i know it will be cuz wifey's family is large). however, we had guests, the teen on bedrest and the step son had an early flight to catch, so there was no drinking and subsequent nekkidness for the wife and i. that just won't do. we need to have a re-do for new year's eve now that the step daughter is off of bedrest. wifey, i'm available when you are. :-D

2008-12-24T12:51:00.002-05:00

i know i've been MIA for a bit. i've been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. :-) my pregnant step-daughter has wound up in the hospital a few times, i was travelling for business, thanksgiving dinner (for right around 20 people), a huge project at work, and now, christmas plans. but, i wanted to take a moment to wish you all a merry christmas.

i'm back, bitches!

2008-10-15T19:38:00.001-04:00

so... i've been dressing up this week. monday was jeans with high heeled boots, yesterday was chinos with some very nice flats and today, heels, slacks and a very soft blouse. i have the whole make up and hair do thing rocking too and i'm loving it. (i'm wearing the same lipstick as in the pic of me biting my lips over there just in case you were wondering and i know you were). i am dressing like this to make sure my new clothes for my upcoming trip work, but i'm also making a conscious effort to bring the sexy back (as i mentioned in my last post). whatever the reason, i really do need to keep this up. i'd forgotten how much i liked dressing like this. i feel polished... girlie... SEXY. i've been doing jeans, tshirt and crocs for too long. i feel like i'm rediscovering that inner me thats been lost. that inner me that (as my gay friend said) was the only girl wearing chanel in high school.

as an added bonus: the sexier i feel, the more i think about sex in general and boy oh boy have i had some nice fantasies running through my head today.

gotta run, peeps! gotta touch up the make up before i get home so wifey can drool. ;-)

i'm not dead yet

2008-09-25T19:26:00.002-04:00

please forgive me, bloggie peeps. i've been MIA for a bit. for awhile i was blogging on my lunch break just about daily. i was either re-posting old blog entries, writing new ones or tweaking my layout. but... you see... i have been having an affair... with facebook. there are all these cute apps over there, green patches, word games, stickers, quizzes, old friends to be found... but the truth is i miss my blog. for the past week i've been trying to log in and post but... well, you see... i'm addicted to this word game on facebook. and i'm on a mission to at least get close to ben's score. i know i can't beat her, but i'd like to at least get close. anyway, what matters is that i'm here now. :-)

i know you are dying to know what has been up in my world, so here you go: my main concern of late is how stacey is going to get her groove back. please... read on.

sex is a huge priority in my life. but for me, it isn't just about how much of it i'm having. its about the thinking about it, the planning for it... its about putting make up on as i drive home just to make the wife do a double take when i walk in the door. its about doing my nails, getting a pedicure, and all the other girlie things that i like to do. lately, though, life has been so hectic that i haven't had time to do any of it and its starting to get me into a funk of astronomical proportions. i'm just not built to not feel sexy and be ok with that. i didn't realize what it was until recently. i just knew i felt "off". so, i began searching for a way to get myself back to making it a priority. i mentioned in a recent post that i had been reading lesbian blogs lately and one of them (the same one that discusses the gender isses i talked about in that post) often includes erotica and links to other sex related blogs and sites. that prompted me to do more thinking... i toyed with the idea of starting yet another blog and keeping it sex-related, thinking that writing about it would bring it to the forefront of my mind, and thereby help me make it a priority again. in the end, i decided against it. first of all, wifey wasn't comfortable with the intimate details of our sex lives out there for the world to see, even if it was under the veil of anonymity and i respect her opinion. had i so desired, i could have gone against her wishes and done it anyway, but that wasn't the deciding factor. aside from that, i realized that if i did start that second blog, what i was looking for was the attention (as far as comments and readers go), but the attention would be for someone that nobody knew was me. that isn't exactly what i was going for, so i scrapped the whole idea.

while all this was going on, i had to go shopping for new clothes for a business trip i'm going on next month. there was a great sale going on and i wound up getting everything i needed and then some. i found some cute girlie t-shirts for work that show a little cleavage and let the tip of my tattoo peek out the top. since they also fit me better than my other clothes (i have lost over 60 pounds and a lot of my clothes are waaaaay to big now), they show off my curves much more. add to that the fact that i had to get a size smaller pants than my recent "skinny" jeans and i was feeling like a hottie when i left that store! so, step one on my mission to bring the sexy back? so TOTALLY accomplished! and without even realizing it was step one! lol.

now comes a little pampering. i'm dying my hair next week (hopefully) back to my natural color. then there is a little lull in the re-sexifying plans until i am in dallas for my trip. my meetings start on monday, but i am flying in the day before to take my customer service rep to dinner (a little bonding goes a long way in my business). the only flights available get me into dfw at 10:30 in the morning, but i am not going out with the rep until the evening, so i have the whole day to myself. my boss is throwing a little extra spending cash my way to get a hair cut, a pedicure and a manicure. she even sprung for the room with a jacuzzi so that i could go back to the room and have a drink and a soak before dinner. i also have a gift certificate for a massage that i plan on redeeming while i'm there.

wish me luck, my dear bloggie peeps! i need to find that inner sex goddess again!

in other news, wifey's biopsy came back negative (YAY!). i had my second ultrasound and they found ovarian cysts again. i'll be visiting the gyno again very soon. other than that, life is status quo. the mother in law is recovering, the step daughter's belly is growing, the financial trouble is still there.

on that note, i'm outta here! peace, love, and other indoor sports! :-D

helping a friend out

2008-09-12T01:25:00.002-04:00

and hoping to get a little commission out of it too! ;-)

please... click, browse, and by all means, buy something!

hurricane season 2008: hanna and ike and josephine... oh my!

2008-09-02T16:02:00.002-04:00

well, fay was a non-event. gustav even less. now there are three more out there. it certainly is shaping up to be an active season!

last things

2008-08-29T15:06:00.002-04:00

since i have lots on my mind and i feel... heavy today, i thought i'd post a meme i snagged from blue like 2 weeks ago.

*******************************************************************

Last Road Trip
key west

Last Bad Advice
can't think of any

Last Movie I Saw in a Theater
mamma mia

Last TV Show Watched
reba

Last TV Show I Enjoyed Watching
see above

Last Book I Tried to Read
the witching hour by anne rice (again)

Last Thing I Left Home Without
my glasses

Last Take Out Meal
fast food

Last Celebration
wifey's birthday

Last Item Loaned Out and Haven’t Gotten Back
my ipod headphones

Last New Words Added to Vocabulary
"in the cone" (not new, but getting used plenty right now since its hurricane season)

Last New Word of a Foreign Language Learned
chinelas (spanish for slippers)

Last T-Shirt Acquired
aside from work out t-shirts, i got one in key west that says "practice safe sex. go fuck yourself"

Last Package Received
work related stuff *yawn*

Last Web Site Visited
national hurricane center

Last serious Injury
pulled calf muscle (not that it is serious, but it is the only thing that has happened)

Last Run In with the Law
got two tickets 7/27

Place I’d Want to Live
anywhere wifey is

Last Physical Fight
never had one

Last Magazine Read
some celebrity gossip rag

Last Thing I Broke
can't remember

Last Thing I Fixed
can't remember

Last Thing That Made Me Laugh
wifey

Last Thing That Made Me Go Huh?
wifey

Last Thought
"everything is going to be ok."

hurricane season 2008: tropical storm fay

2008-08-18T14:26:00.002-04:00

the weather isn't horrible just yet, but we are under a tropical storm warning, a flood watch and tornado warning. the newscaster just put it perfectly "a little bit of wind, a little bit of rain, but so far so good." it is predicted to deteriorate out there through the night and into tomorrow. i'm at work right now, but we are leaving early. wifey is at home getting things ready. we have a few shutters up, but not the entire house. i will probably be offline until this whole thing blows over, so be nice to each other while i'm gone.

peace, love and hair grease, peeps!

happy birthday, my love!

2008-08-08T01:26:00.004-04:00

to my wonderful wifey,
you are my heart, my soul, my everything.
you are the joy in my life.
i need you just as much as i love you,
and i love you more than words can say.
i hope you have a birthday that is as beautiful as you are.
and i hope all your dreams come true today,
i know mine have since i met you.

i love you with all my heart.

old posts backup

2008-08-04T18:39:00.002-04:00

i have copied and saved my old efx2/efx2blogs posts as well as my old modblog posts. i'm going to be posting them here with the original post dates. so, for those of you who subscribe to the feed for my blog, my apologies in advance for the flurry of posts coming your way over the next few days.

the great deception

2008-08-04T17:43:00.002-04:00

i think i have deceived you, dear readers. i know that many people hold things back on their blogs because people in their real lives read them, and i have done the same on occasion. however, the things i hold back aren't things about me. i'm pretty much an open book offline. what i hold back is what i think of the people i think might be reading or things they have done. i have a definite talent when it comes to never letting on when i really don't like people or when they have upset me and the scenario warrants me not telling them that i don't like them/to fuck off. i do it quite a bit in my real life and i do it when i blog about certain people/scenarios as well. however, that is not what i'm referring to.

i feel like i have over-glossed myself on this blog. sure, the layout suits me. it’s pink, which is cutesy. i can definitely be cutesy sometimes. the header suits me. i actually picked each pic to represent a side of my personality. i think that my posts don't always reflect the real me, though. sure, they are my real thoughts/feelings, but i think i have a tendency to tone it down when i blog. i'm far more potty mouthed in real life (side note, i LOVE how that sounds in spanish: mal hablada). i'm also much more sarcastic and much much MUCH more sexual. after reading the responses to my recent post, i realized that the blog world doesn't know that what i said (and how i said it, for that matter) is pretty much my normal self. that got me thinking... why don't i post more like the way i behave? sure, i'm girlie and love all the domestic stuff, but there is this whole other side to me that doesn't seem be reflected here. just a quick glance at this blog (looking at it as an outsider), i'd envision a whole different person than the one that is sitting at this keyboard right now.

have any of you found that you do that and if so, why?

i'm going to make more of an effort to have this blog reflect more of the unfiltered me, so get ready. and if its too sexual, too harsh, too whatever, too fucking bad. :-)

i'm just not hardcore

2008-08-04T17:28:00.000-04:00

i've been reading bunches of lesbian blogs lately and i've come to the realization that i'm just not a hardcore lesbian. don't get me wrong, i love women just as much as the next dyke. that isn't what i mean. what i mean is that i don't give much thought to things like gender/sexuality issues, lesbian activism, the feminist movement, etc. while i do know the ins and outs of strap on usage, i've never "packed". i'm just a girl who loves women, in love with my wifey and trying to get by.

when i read these other blogs i feel almost like a straight person looking in on the lesbian world. so does that make me a clueless lesbian? i know i'm not, at least now when it counts. ;-) but should i put on my pussy power tshirt and go picket somewhere or something?

remind me never to do that again

2008-07-31T15:24:00.004-04:00

some of my faithful readers will remember that i used to blog on modblog, then made the move to efx. well, now that efx is up and running again, i am on a mission to copy over some of my old entries. so i thought why not copy some of the modblog ones too? i went to www.archive.org and looked up my old modblog. i ended up copying one or two entries, but had to close the window because i couldn't stand to read any more of it and my eyes were watering. the modblog days were the days when wifey and i were going through a lot of emotional turmoil. some of my posts were like getting hit in the gut. a lot of what i wrote referenced her entries, so i went and read some of hers too. that was even more painful. i made it all sound so monumental, so HUGE. but reading it now, it sounds like i was mad about something trivial. and by being mad, i upset her when she was going through so much already. i may have been justified back then, but i feel selfish for it now.

so, remind me never to do that again, ok?

she and i have had our fair share of issues and fights. our relationship was full of ups and downs for the first few years. there were all sorts of reasons for it, but we are past that now. looking at it in black and white just made me sad. i don't ever want to go to that place emotionally again. i know back then it was a big deal, but those things don't matter anymore. we've come so far and learned to deal with each other's quirks/issues/general craziness so well that we don't even fight about the things i was blogging about back then. in fact, i think we hardly fight anymore. when we do, its short but intense. it used to be a regular thing, but we've progressed to only once in awhile.

wifey: i love you, honey. you are my world. looking at those entries reminded me of how VERY far we've come. i promise you here and now we are NEVER going back to acting like that. oh god, i can't wait to get home and hug and kiss you.

yawn

2008-07-30T15:52:00.004-04:00

since i am completely drained, i thought i'd share a meme with ya.

1. What's for breakfast? cottage cheese with fresh berries
2. Do you read a newspaper daily? nope. i have a hard enough time keeping up with the blogs i read. i watch the news every morning.
3. What do you do when you can't sleep? roam around my house usually. i'll go to the living room, watch a little tv, go to the kitchen to get something drink or a snack, go back to bed, toss and turn a little and do it all again until the sleepiness rolls in.
4. Say a word that sums up your mood. overwhelmed
5. Do you remember your dreams? sometimes.
6. Name something from your dream last night. hot lesbian sex! LOL. not really, that is just my new favorite meme question answer. i don't remember my dream last night.
7. Name a food that describes you. ok, that is quite possibly the strangest meme question i've ever seen. after a little thought i'd have to say mexian food. its delicious, a little spicy sometimes and can contain things that don't normally go together but end up making something delicious (mole, for example is made with chocolate and jalapenos, but is heavenly)
8. Today you are wearing: jeans, navy tshirt
9. What's in your pockets? nothing
10. Did you sing in the shower today? nope. i never do.
11. What's the last song you heard? my office mate and i have been listening to raggae all day, most of the songs i don't know the names of. the last one i recognized was legalize it by peter tosh.
12. Looking forward to the holidays? with the financial situation we are in right now, NO WAY.
13. Where do you want to be this instant? in her arms
14. What's for lunch? salad with diced chicken breast and ranch dressing. le yum!
15. What's something you would like to do soon? hot lesbian sex! again, my new fave answer. other than that, i'd have to say go for a pedicure.
16. Reading anything now? no time for reading lately.
17. What's for dinner? not a clue
18. A favorite part of the day is: when i wake up in the morning and see her next to me in bed. its the only quiet time we ever get. once we are up, its full speed ahead until we drop.
19. Are you happy? overall, yes. there are a few things that could use improvement (my health, finances), but overall i'm a happy woman.
20. Will your friends do this meme? dunno.

happy anniversary to us!

2008-07-28T18:43:00.004-04:00

6 years and going strong.
i love you more today than yesterday...
but not as much as tomorrow.

everything happens for a reason

2008-07-28T15:57:00.004-04:00

everything happens for a reason. i used to hear people say that all the time, but i never really GOT it. then one day when i was looking back over my life, it hit me. if i hadn't been dating that guy in high school, i would never have met my first girlfriend (they were friends), which means i would have never left school and gone back home and met my second girlfriend, which means i would have never been running from the abusive relationship and wound up in new orleans. if i hadn't wound up there, i would never have moved to miami and never met my wifey. all that things i went through led me here and i LOVE it here. (with wifey, i mean, not miami)

it feels like life is spinning out of control lately. when it rains, it pours, right? allow me to illustrate the out of control-ness that is going on:

- wifey's mom fell and broke her arm this weekend. that means it takes more time and energy for wifey to care for her parents since her mom was able to do some things for herself and she can't now. last night found both of us still going full speed at 2 am and with things left to do on the list and both with killer headaches.

- wifey's business is slowing. the economy sucks and times are tough for little companies. she still puts pressure on herself to bring is as much money as possible, but i wish she wouldn't. as business slows it gives her more time for her parents who are needing her more and more. she has precious little time to work and rarely has more than a few minutes at a time. in my mind, that is perfectly fine since we didn't plan on her having to work when we moved in, but she wants to contribute (her words). i think she works harder than i do. caring for two parents with alzheimer's is MUCH harder than my job. even so, it is a constant struggle for her to balance both since she insists on it.

- on the way home from picking up the meds for wifey's mom (after getting out of the ER at 11 pm), i get pulled over and given two tickets

- my dog (the oldest of the bunch) has been sick to her stomach and not eating much since friday. she just turned 12, so i worry myself sick everytime any little thing goes wrong.

- we had company over the weekend. while their visit was fun, it did make things a bit more hectic than usual. even so, i wish they'd come back already. they are very cool people to be around.

- wifey and i are both having a few health issues right now. none of which are serious in their own right, but they don't help when added to the mix.

- factor in the every day shit (the usual craziness of 2 kids, 5 dogs, and 3 cats) plus the standard money problems (i am seriously underpaid) plus a few things i'm not at liberty to blog about and you've got a runaway freight train.

i keep trying to remind myself... everything happens for a reason... everything happens for a reason... say it with me. everything happens for a reason. that really needs to be my new mantra.

by the way, wifey, when you read this, i want you to know how incredible you are. i'm saying it here so everyone can see it too. i can't tell you how many times i wanted to run up to you, hold you, kiss you and reassure you this weekend. watching you hold your mom's hand in the hospital, watching you talk to the doctors... you looked so beautiful. you are the most amazing person i have ever met and i am so lucky to have you in my life. i know that there is a lot going on right now, but i know that we can get through it together. one thing you don't ever have to worry about is my support. i'm here for any and everything you need. i know that you know that, but i just want to remind you. i know what you are dealing with every day isn't easy. at the end of the day when you need a soft place to land, when you need reassurance, i'm right here.

just babbling

2008-07-23T16:04:00.003-04:00

i just wish some people would mind their own business, you know? i'm not going to name names or even scenarios since i think that the people i'm referring to (or their tattle tales... oops! i meant friends) read this blog on occasion. suffice it to say get your nose out of my fucking business! if i wanted your opinion on how i live my life, i would have asked you!

ok! i feel better now!

in other news, in case you haven't clicked on my profile, i've also started a blog about my low carb adventures: http://lowcarbadventures.blogspot.com. i posted a few things over there.

peace, love and hair grease!

50 questions - stolen from blue

2008-07-21T19:27:00.001-04:00

1) What do you add to your coffee? creamer and splenda
2) What are you reading now? blogs mostly. i haven't read a book in a bit.
3) Do you own a gun? no. been shooting, loved it, but i don't own one.
4) Are you registered to vote? yes
5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? sometimes
6) What do you think of hot dogs? not my faves but ok for a cheap meal once in awhie.
7) Favorite Christmas Song? lots. christmas is my favorite time of the year.
8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee. i'm not human without it.
9) Can you do push ups? god no. tell me again why i would want to?
10) What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? bf: richard (total geek), gf: kristie
11) What’s your favorite piece of jewellery? wedding ring
12) Favorite hobby? hot lesbian sex (stole that answer from blue, but hey, we have the same hobby, how cool is that?)
13) Do you work with people who idolize you? absolutely ;-)
14) Do you have ADD? nah
15) What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? too much of a procrastinator
16) What’s your Middle name? leigh
17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. i'm hungry, i want to get out of here, where is the wife?
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday. food, gas, cat food
19) Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. water, tea, soda
20) Current worry right now? money, money money
21) What side do you dress to? ok, random question. to the right.
22) Favorite place to be? in the wife's arms. (and if she's naked, even better)
23) How did you bring in the New Year? at home with the wife and kids
24) Where would you like to go? new orleans
25) Name three people who will complete this. no idea.
26) Whose answers do you want to read the most? everyone's
27) What color shirt are you wearing? grey
28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? nope
29) Can you whistle? no
30) Favorite colors(s)? pink or black
31) Could you be a pirate? no, but i can curse like one. :-)
32) What songs do you sing in the shower? i don't. i'm too sleepy
33) Favorite girls name? don't have one
34) Favorite boy’s name? don't have one
35) What’s in your pocket right now? nothing
36) Last thing that made you laugh? the wife. she is precious
37) Best bed sheets as a child? pretty white ones with flowers
38) Worst injury you’ve ever had? injuries from car accidents. hit the windsheild in one, messed my back up in another.
39) Do you love where you live? no. i have adjusted to life here, but i don't like it. however, i love being wherever the wife is, so i don't notice how much i hate it most days.
40) How many TVs do you have in your house? 5
41) Who is your loudest friend? marta
42) How many dogs do you have? 5. 4 originally, one got left with us and never got picked up. according to him, he lives with us now, so total 5.
43) Does anyone have a crush on you? doubt it
44) What are the most fun things you ever did? plenty. and plenty i can't tell you either
45) What are your favorite books? interview with the vampire, the witching hour
46) What is your favorite candy? chocolate
47) Favorite Team? the other one. (isn't that the euphism they use for gay/lesbian people? they play for the other team)
48) What songs do you want played at your funeral? no clue. what a morbid question.
49) What were you doing at 12 AM? tinkering with my myspace layout
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? oh god, what time is it?

i'm so confused!

2008-07-18T12:40:00.003-04:00

now that i am coming out of my blog coma and reading blogs from so many different places, i feel like i'm blogging for the first time again. i feel like peggy sue lost in the big city. there are so many things out there that i have no clue about. i relied on the alerts and standard layouts of modblog and then efx, so i never bothered to learn about anything else. so far, i've learned to tinker with the blogger layout, i have figured out what widgets are, even added some to my blog (as you can see over there to the right).i have mastered the rss feeds and have them all set up in my google reader. i'm loving it.

well then what am i so confused about, you ask? well, dear reader, i'm lost when it comes to the multitude of links to profiles that i see people putting up. i know what del.icio.us is, but that is about the end of it. i signed up for it more for my own personal use to keep bookmarks and have access to them anywhere, but i see people linking to their del.icio.us accounts and a myriad of others. do i need them all? do i link to them all? do i even WANT them all? and what about my youtube account and those sorts of things. why do people link to them? and what on earth is twitter for?

so i ask you, fellow bloggers... what do you use? what do you recommend? talk to me! teach me!

oh, btw, links to my facebook and myspace coming soon! are you ready to see the face of spacey stacey? heaven help us!

happy birthday to me!

2008-07-11T12:02:00.004-04:00

its my birthday! who is buying?

technorati

2008-07-10T01:54:00.000-04:00

Technorati Profile

ok, so i'm back

2008-07-08T15:37:00.004-04:00

efx seems to have died again. even if it is revived, i don't plan to go back. this will be my new blogging home. i will keep my efx account and my new vox account to keep up with old friends, but if i post anything on either blog, it will only be links to posts here.

two by two meme (so totally stolen)

2008-06-20T15:16:00.001-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

1. Where is your cell phone? ..................my purse

2. Your significant other?.........................running errands

3. Your hair? ...........................................tied up

4. Your mother? ......................................crazy woman

5. Your father?.........................................long gone

6. Your favorite thing?..............................the wife

7. Your dream last night?.........................can't remember

8. Your favorite drink? .............................super star

9. Your dream/goal?.................................independently wealthy

10. The room you're in?............................my office

11. Your ex?..............................................lying bastard

12. Your fear?...........................................to fail

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?.................not working

14. Where were you last night?.................at home

15. What you're not?.................................patient person

16. Muffins?...............................................chocolate flax

17. One of your wish list items?.................new ipod

18. Where you grew up?...........................down south

19. The last thing you did?........................drank coffee

20. What are you wearing?.......................comfy clothes

21. Your TV?.............................................living room

22. Your pet(s)?........................................too many

23. Your computer? .................................needs replacing

24. Your life?............................................always hectic

25. Your mood?........................................mildly annoyed

26. Missing someone?..............................my mom

27. Your car?............................................black suv

28. Something you're not wearing?...........a beret

29. Favorite Store?...................................too many

30. Your summer?....................................no different

31. Like someone?...................................the wife!

32. Your favorite color?............................love pink

33. Last time you laughed........................last night

34. Last time you cried?...........................weeks ago

Posted: 11:27 AM, 6/20/2008

i'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

2008-04-24T05:07:00.001-04:00

i'm back from vacation. not that you knew i was gone, but i was. it was wonderful! more on that later. i just thought i'd post some randomness stolen from phil.

1. Did you have to pay or did you get money back?
pay. withdrawing from your retirement plan and not having them take taxes out will do that to you.

2. What was your biggest financial mistake?
ruining my credit. the second time.

3. Are you a screamer?

most definitely

4. What part of your body, other than your genitals, do you love to have touched? What part of a partner's body, other than their genitals, do you love to touch?

for me, its the hip bone. when the wife touches me there, she always gets her way with me. on the wife, its the curve of her hip, from her waist down to her thigh. its delicious!

5. What commercial catch phrase best describes your life?
"sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

Posted: 5:07 PM, 4/24/2008

finally! the movie quote meme!

2008-04-07T15:20:00.000-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i finalloy had time to get around to this one!

********************************************************************

Here are the rules I must follow:

* Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
* Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
* Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
* Fill in the film title once it’s been guessed.

These are your rules:

* Leave your guesses in the comments.
* No Googling or using IMDB search functions. Don’t cheat!
* Know-it-alls, limit your guesses to three movies. Save some for others!

1. "I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore." "You're just not gonna go?" "Yeah." "Won't you get fired?" "I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go." "So you're gonna quit?" "Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going."
[office space guessed by grimfairy and big p]

2. "You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!"
[superbad guessed by texican]

3. "Finding someone you think would be fun to kill is a bit like, well it's a bit like falling in love. You meet a lot of candidates, and you like some of them, and they're nice. But they're not right. And that special one comes along, and your heart beats faster, and you know that's the one."

4. "Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You fuckin' up the rotation."

5. "Do you think our love, can take us away together?" "I think our love can do anything we want it to." "I love you." "I love you, Allie." "Good night." "Good night. I'll be seeing you."
[the notebook guessed by ben]

6. "Hey! I was waiting for that spot!" "Face it, lady, we're younger and faster!" "What are you *doing*?" "Are you *crazy*?" "Face it, girls, I'm older and I have more insurance."
[fried green tomatoes guess by texican]

7. "In Greece he spent a year in silence just to better understand the sound of a whisper. And so without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you, the seeker of serenity, the protector of Italian virginity, the enforcer of our Lord God, the one, the only, Sir Ulllrrrich von Lichtenstein!" [crowd roars] "Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week."
[a knight's tale guessed by sarai]

8. "Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."
[american beauty guessed by ben]

9. "Well, what the hell did you know? Did you know how bad things were for me? No, because you wouldn't even open my letters. If you had even answered one, just one! Told me what a jerk I was, anything! But you didn't. You took your friendship away without even discussing it with me. So, thank you very much for forgiving me. But I don't forgive you."
[beaches guessed by ben]

10. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die."
[the princess bride guessed by texican]

11. "I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one."
[scarface guessed by bigp]

12. "Oh my god, you've made the tower of Twinkie! Is that in a stalker's handbook somewhere?"

13. "Do you smell burning feathers?" "Burning feathers?"

14. "Who is Keyser Soze?"
[the usual suspects guessed by sarai]

15. "If you were still in love with Pedro, you wouldn't be marrying John."

Posted: 7:34 PM, 4/7/2008 in Here a meme, there a meme

i am...

2008-02-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

no, this isn't another one of those posts about my conflicting opinions of myself or the many different sides of my personally. it is a "state of the union" in sections. i started with "i am defective" as the title and then realized i wanted to add few more things, so i added to the list of things that i am. so, for your reading pleasure (lol) here's what’s up in my world:

i am defective
some of you may remember that i have sleep apnea. it is not pretty, but it is reality. i was told first that it was because i was overweight. that began my first serious journey with atkins years ago. i struggled with it off and on, but never lost enough to make a difference (so i thought). then when i wind up at an ENT for some unrelated problem, he tells me that i have a "severely" deviated septum. yeah, i just get hotter by the second. i'm fat and i have a deviated septum. please, contain yourselves. anyhow, he says even if i lose weight, the apnea will probably not go away because the deviation is so severe. i enjoy being a deviant, but not this kind. funny thing is i've never broken my nose or anything. i just have a defective nose. anyhow, he suggest surgery and since i'm such a chicken shit, i pass. time passes, i gain all the weight i lost back, the apnea continues. i have a machine to help with it which i struggle with all the time. more recently, i finally dropped 60 pounds, no improvement in the apnea area. granted, i still have some to go, but you think you'd see a BIT of improvement. nope. none. nada, zip, zero, zilch. that would be too easy. last week, i get referred to a new ENT for unexplained diziness and i think "great, i can talk to him about the apnea," which i did. he said my jaw is set too far back making everything that has to fit in the throat kind of cramped. he said i have a "space issue" which i thought sounded kind of funny. so, surgery for the nose won't stop the apnea and neither will losing weight. this little newsflash is the best damn thing i've ever heard and the worst thing i've ever heard all at the same time. it is awesome because the painful surgery to correct my defective nose is not a necessity. he gave me a spray to dilate my nasal passages and said that should help. i'm a chicken so i'll spray some medicine up my nose every day for the rest of my life quite happily just so i don't have to go through surgery. on the other hand, this is horrible news because i find apnea to be embarassing and it makes me feel ugly. so, i had hope in the back of my mind that if i ever got up the balls to have the surgery (after i was convinced weight loss hadn't done the trick) that there would be light at the end of the "ugliness" tunnel for me. now there is not.

i am martha stewart's lesbian sister
inspired by my success, my grandmother asked me to help her plan a menu so she could start a low carb diet. now, i tend to eat the same stuff quite a bit and i knew she wouldn't be too happy with that, so i couldn't just give her a sample of my menu. i still cook or help wifey cook “regular” meals and always do something else for myself since i am the only one low carbing in the house. i usually fix something quick for myself in the interest of time. since I’m not picky, it winds up being a lot of grilled chicken and veggies. so, i dug up some recipes i had stored and searched online for more to build her menu. before i recommend them, however, i'm trying them to make sure they are decent. so, i've been cooking almost every day now. i have to say, i am LOVING it! i've made low carb "rolls", flax bread (banana nut bread no less!), hamburger pie, 2 different chicken casseroles and on and on. today i am eating the last of the mexican chicken bake for lunch. talk about yummy. oh and for dessert? low carb fudge! it is soooo good!

i am madly in love with my wife
some of you modblog peeps may remember the moyo files. for those of you who don't know, my wife is cuban and she is constantly making up her own pronunciations for english words which always crack me up. "moyo" was her pronunciation of "mojo". she turned hover into hoover. the list goes on. so the other night, i am telling her that my hands feel swollen and its really uncomfortable (its pms. yes, i know, LOVELY conversation. whatever, its life. besides, she’s a girl, she understands how i feel). i tell her i feel like a blowfish. she asked if that was like a "pucker" fish. not puffer fish, but a pucker fish. when i giggled she said, you know, "pucker' fish and blew me a kiss. i love that crazy woman.

i am on a plateau
i haven't lost a pound since we moved to the new house. i'm approaching two months of no movement again. i'm trying to be patient, but its getting harder. wavering willpower is never an issue for me, but patience is. my body seems to like to lose, wait, lose, wait, lose, wait. i'd rather it lose lose lose lose lose.

i am doing new things at work
i got a raise awhile back (over a year ago) because my boss wanted me to "revamp" the operations department. then they gave me a title. director of operations. umm... ok, thats why the vp still considers me his assistant, right? (that was what i was originally hired for) i was stuck in this running my own department/being someone's assistant gray area that was quite frustrating to me. i did a lot of the "operations" duties, but not all of the and the ones i didn't do seemed arbitrarily chosen by my boss to be kept as his tasks. fast forward to current events and the vp is FINALLY handing over the rest of operations duties to me. i am actually enjoying it quite a bit. its scary times out there for a small company in our industry, but i am taking the challenge on and i'm ready to REALLY revamp things now. work smarter not harder! being able to do what i need to do without waiting for someone else has really freed me up to be ... productive! so while most people are scared out of their minds, i'm feeling like a new woman. besides, i love a challenge. so now i have the duties to match the raise. only thing is, i need another raise now to match the new duties. LOL.

and finally...
i am outta here! peace, love and hair grease, peeps!

Posted: 2:57 PM, 2/29/2008

please forgive me

2008-02-25T15:26:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i'm in a horrible mood today. i don't know why, really, i just am. i'm ready to tell the next person to cross me a thing or two about a thing or two. therefore, i'm sittig quietly at my desk not saying a word. quiet as a mouse i am! :-)

*checks calendar* not pms... maybe its lack of sleep. maybe it is the sum all all stress in my life. maybe its cuz i'm a moody bitch. *giggle*

i'm so cranky that i didn't even post comments on the blogs i just read. i read them, i wanted to say something back, but i'm worried its going to come off as canned, so i figure i'll be quiet. please don't think i ignored you all.

Posted: 3:03 PM, 2/25/2008

i should have taken a left at albequerque

2008-02-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i’ve been thinking a lot lately. about who i am, who i was, who i thought i would be. inside i still feel like the same old me, but the outside doesn’t match anymore. it is partly because of the weight, but there are other things at work here too. part of me thinks that if i lose the weight i’ll be free to be the old me again, but i do know that the weight has nothing to do with it really.

a conversation with an old friend started it (this time), but those of you who have read my blog before know this is a recurring theme. i was a fag hag in high school and just recently reunited with both of my gay boys. :-) so i called one of them the other day and we chatted for a bit. he asked how i was, asked how wifey and the kids were and we proceeded to talk about them for awhile, and i mentioned to him how i never thought i’d find myself where i am now. he agreed and said “you are such a soccer mom!” he said he always thought we’d find each other again in new york in rehab for eating disorders. he said talking to me now is fascinating because it is an entirely different world than the one he lives in. he’s still him but i’m not me anymore. or eat least not the me i was.

then it occurred to me. its one thing for me to say i don’t feel like the same person anymore, but its another thing entirely for someone else to see it. funny thing is he hasn’t actually “seen” me. we found each other again on myspace and have been emailing, texting and sprinkling in the occasional phone call. so this is a conclusion he’s come to just based on our conversations. if he saw me now, he’d probably faint. back then you wouldn’t catch me dead in jeans, 99.9% of my wardrobe was name brand stuff, you’d never catch me with my hair up in a bun, with no make up or looking anything less than what i deemed to be fabulous. today i’m wearing jeans, a t-shirt and crocs (sorry splintered!). i do have make up and have my hair done, but i have definitely left the house without make up on many, many days and without question i’ve thrown my hair in a bun and run out the door rather than spend time primping.

i’m wondering… have i changed so much or have i just shifted my focus? i lean toward the shifting focus answer to that question, but that leads me to various others. if i’ve shifted focus, what have i shifted it to? am i neglecting myself and things i like and/or want? will that have ramifications? should i make an effort to stop it or just let it go given the fact that i’m happiest making other people happy?

i used to be travelling the road to ... well, i don't know where, but it went somewhere, i'm sure. however, i think i missed my turn. the thing is, i like the place i wound up (wifey, kids, dogs, etc). so is being different really so bad? i mean we all change, right?

Posted: 2:15 PM, 2/20/2008

supersweet meme

2008-02-15T16:21:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

and now, for your reading pleasure, i present a meme, stolen from ben

How long have you been together?
officially 9 years this month

How long did you date?
4 years. *gasp* how unlesbian of us. we didn't move in together on the second date like most dykes.

How old is he?
7 years older than me. she is robbing the cradle!

Who eats more?
neither

Who said ‘I love you’ first?
she says she did. i think i did.

Who is taller?
me. she is a shortie. a cute shortie, but a shortie nonetheless.

Who is smarter?
neither. we are each strong in different areas

Who does the laundry?
mostly, she washes and dries it and i put it away.

Who does the dishes?
whoever didn't cook or whoever has more time

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
depends on where you are standing of course, but if you stood at the foot of the bed, she is on the right. but i prefer her on top of me. ;-)

Who pays the bills?
the actual paying of the bills would be me.

Who mows the lawn?
the man we pay to mow it, duh!

Who cooks dinner?
we take turns. we each have our specialties, so it depends on what is for dinner and what mood we are in. we do a lot of turn-taking and not just in the kitchen! ;-)

Who is more stubborn?
that is a tough one. i can be as stubborn as they come, but so can she.

Who kissed who first?
that was all her. but i asked for the second one!

Who asked who out?
it was sort of a mutual thing. we started as friends.

Who proposed?
she did. she got me the ring of my dreams, too. *melt*

Who is more sensitive?
depends. she cries at chick flicks, i don't. i cried when benji got kicked, she didn't.

Who has more friends?
her. she was raised here. her high school friends still live here. i'm a transplant and my friends are scattered all over the country.

Who has more siblings?
since i have none, that would have to be her.

Posted: 2:40 PM, 2/15/2008 in Here a meme, there a meme

meme, anyone?

2008-02-11T16:19:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. i eat lots of salad, so i go through phases. right now its a sugar-free honey mustard made by yours truly. :-D

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. pollo tropical

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. my house! wifey and i are both good cooks, so we are always guaranteed something tasty!

Q. On average how much of a tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 15 - 20 %

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. low carb cheesecake (again, made by yours truly)

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. whatever i can scrape off since i don't eat the bread. it used to be tomato and basil back in the pre low carb days.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. i don't eat toast. but i used to like butter and jelly.

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. a picture of my dog.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 6, but one is for goodwill

Q. What kind of cell phone do you have?
A. motorola razr. i lust after the blackberry, but i love my razr.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. right

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. only my wisdom teeth

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. furniture (when we were moving)

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. no, thankfully.

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. no way

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. no idea. i like my name

Q. What color looks good on you?
A. green

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. ummm.... yes. by mistake and not. :-D

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. no

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. i'm told someone did save my life when i was a kid (grabbed me before i fell off a mountain) but i have no memory of it.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. for $100? hell, i'd do it for free. wanna watch? ;-)

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. don't think so

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. most definitely

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. possibly

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
A. nah

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. absolutely not

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. nothing

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. hardwood

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A. i don't think so.

Q: How many pairs of flipflops do you own?
A: one. i used to have more, but the kids and the wife have adopted them.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. can't remember

Q: Who is number 2 on your top 8
A. wifey's daughter

Q: Last friend you talked to?
A. marcia

Q: Last person who called you?
A. wifey

Q: Person you hugged?
A. wifey

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A. yes. my mom

Q: Mood?
A. all over the map

Q: Listening to?
A. whatever movie my boss is screening. sounds like a family flick

Q: Watching?
A. nothing

Q: Worrying about?
A. money

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A. to take my step daughter to school

Q: What do you want to do right now?
A: get naked with the wife

Q. What's the last movie you saw?
A. 27 dresses

Q. Do you smile often?
A. yep!

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A. most definitely!

Posted: 6:05 PM, 2/11/2008 in Here a meme, there a meme

lonely... i'm so lonely

2008-01-28T16:13:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i finished editing my erotic story, but i don't know if i want to post it given the lack of interest lately. it seems i used to get more comments before. am i the only one who feels like the commeting/blogging has dropped off a bit? don't you people know i'm an attention whore and i need as many comments as possible? :-D

maybe i need to sex it up a little in here? or send out groupie applications? or maybe just post/comment more. i don't know, but i miss the old efx2 days.

Posted: 7:20 PM, 1/28/2008

the spacey stacey soundtrack

2008-01-25T16:07:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

so, yeah, i jumped on the bandwagon. this really was a LOT harder than i thought it would be. i decided to go the extra step and explain my choices as well. i chose songs that took me back to either a specific memory or a period in my life that was for one reason or another special and/or important.

lookout weekend - debbie deb
8th grade prom. i was dancing with my friends who were the "popular" kids. that was a big deal since i started the year as the new nerdy kid.

she swallowed it - n.w.a.
weekends at my boyfriend's. not that i'm saying i swallowed (or didn't swallow for that matter) anything. we both liked n.w.a., so we listened to them a lot

add it up - violent femmes
field trip to galveston for my a/p anatomy class. i was hanging out with the "bad" kids.

master and servant - depeche mode
i played this song over and over in high school.

the only time - nine inch nails
senior year, going to get lunch off campus.

me so horny - 2 live crew
one of many high school dances. my two gay guy friends and i were dirty dancing to this.

start me up - rolling stones
summers in new orleans with my mom

get up, stand up - peter tosh
see above. i went to see him in concert one of those summers.

the fireman - george strait
doing the texas two step with my grandpa at the fireman's ball.

set a drift on memory bliss - pm dawn
this was a huge hit right around the time i had my first lesbian experience. it wasn't playing in the background or anything, it just reminds me of that time in my life.

james brown is dead - la style
the gay/lesbian sunday hang out in san antonio. i was sitting in my car under the *ahem* influence *innocent look* blasting this song

show me love - robin s
this one reminds me of many many nights spent clubbing in san antonio.

principles of lust - enigma
i had this as the background music for my answering machine and couldn't figure out why i kept getting hang ups. turns out my friend had given my number to all her friends so they could hear my voice because she thought it was sexy.

come baby come - k7
clubbing in new orleans

deeper love - aretha franklin
this was my anthem when i first moved to miami. "i get up out of bed, i put on my clothes, cuz i've got bills to pay. now it ain't easy, but i don't need no help. i've got a strong will to survive. i've got a deeper love, a deeper love, a deeper love inside, and i call it pride."

at last - etta james
exactly how i felt when i met the wife

finally found someone - bryan adams
our wedding song *sappy sigh*

clocks - coldplay
this song really spoke to me during a rough patch with the wife

buttons - the pussycat dolls
this song makes me want to strip, so i decided to play it and strip for the wife one night. that was SO fucking liberating!

Posted: 7:36 PM, 1/25/2008

insert catchy blog entry title here

2008-01-23T15:54:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

forgive me bloggers for i have sinned. it has been over a month since my last entry. as i was telling a bloggie friend who asked where i had been today, real life has come at me hard and fast recently. now if the wife would just do the same, all would be right in my world. ;-)

so what has kept me away from my blog, you ask? nothing and everything all at once. nice use of a greenday lyric, eh? :-) seriously, it is nothing and everything. i was sick, we moved, the holidays were here, we were unpacking (still not finished), cleaning the old house, making trips to the dump to throw things out, etc. there was not major catastrophe, i was just busy being busy.

i would really love to do a dirty thirty so that i could blog about something other than just an update, but i just don't have the time tonight. its after 1:30 and i should be in bed soon. so, for those of you that wanna know, here is the rundown:

weight loss: my second plateau finally ended. shortly after we moved in, i weighed myself and discovered i had dropped another 3 pounds. *does the happy girl dance* its not a huge amount, but its better than no movement which is what i had for a bit there. that brings my grand total to..... drumroll please... 62! go stacey! its your birthday! *does a booty shakin dance*

health junk: the pills the doc gave me for the arrythmia did not sit well with me (major dizzy spells), so i'm not taking them anymore. going for a follow up in a few days. i haven't been able to work out since we moved since the house is still upside down and i work out at home. i actually miss it.

the move/home life: we moved in with the wife's parents so that wifey can take care of them. so far, so good. the parents love having her here and she loves being here for them. its a 6 bedroom house divided into a 2/1 for the parents and a 4/2 for us. it is joined only by a common laundry area, which when left open makes it like one big house and when closed provides just enough privacy. the kids have adjusted to the change and we all like the house. we still have plenty of unpacking to do, but we are moving right along. the wife and i are doing awesome as well. there have been none of the fights you would expect in a stressful situation like this. yes, we are that couple that is so cute we make you sick. *happy smile*

work is, as always, work. nothing new. i guess that is a good thing though since it means i have nothing to complain about.

that is about the size of whats up in my world lately.

before the move i was writing a bit on my lunch breaks and i wanted to post a few things (including the continuation of my erotic story for those of you who remember it), but they need a little editing before i do that. hopefully i will have time to blog more again soon. i promise to try and peek in on you guys more often. oh and please be up to no good when i do peek in so i can watch! ;-)

peace, love and hair grease peeps! *wave*

Posted: 1:29 AM, 1/23/2008

have a holly jolly christmas

2007-12-18T15:49:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i've been sick for just over a week. i feel worse than i can remember feeling in years. combine that with the fact that the wife and kids and i are moving in the middle of the holidays and you see why i have very little energy to blog lately. however, i saw this meme over on ben's blog and thought it was cute.

When people say Christmas you immediately think...
i immediately imagine my grandparent's living room with the lights out, the tree decorated, lights blinking, stockings hung and presents under the tree. rather stereotypical, i know.

Favorite Christmas Memory
i don't have one really. it is more like a meshing of little happy moments from my childhood, my first christmas with the wife, etc.

Favorite Christmas Song/Carol
i don't have a favorite. i love them all

Favorite Christmas movie
don't have one really

Favorite Christmas character
don't have one really. i do love snowmen, though.

Favorite Christmas ornament/object
the wife and i buy a commemorative ornament every year. that would have to be it.

Favorite Christmas treat
rum balls

Favorite tradition
midnight mass with the family, even if i am not religious

Plans for this Christmas
moving and trying to get better since i've been sick for a week.

Is Christmas your favorite holiday?
its a toss-up between thanksgiving and christmas

********************************************************************************************

wow, such long winded answers i gave! LOL. sorry folks, thats the best my foggy little brain could muster.

*wave*

Posted: 3:53 PM, 12/18/2007 in Here a meme, there a meme

so proud of myself

2007-12-07T15:47:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

12/4 was a milestone for me. it marked one year on atkins. the low carb group i belong to calls it an "atkins-versary". i celebrated with low carb cheesecake. :-) i am quite proud of myself. the last time i did atkins, i didn't lose quite as much and i had cheat days. not for lack of willpower, but because i was attempting to shock my metabolism when i hit a plateau. i've hit two plateaus (including the one i'm on at present) on this second journey, but i decided to wait it out instead of having a planned cheat day. i didn't even cheat on thanksgiving. and you know what? i didn't feel deprived at ALL. i just made myself low carb, sugar free things to eat and i was fine. i even made a low carb pumpkin cheesecake that was fucking awesome.

the wife and kids keep telling me that i have awesome willpower, but i don't even see it like that. to me, its just the way i eat now. i don't miss any of the carb filled treats anymore. my efforts have been richly rewarded, which makes it easier as well. i'm now fit enough to work out on a regular basis, i'm wearing clothes that are two sizes smaller, and i've lost a total of 60 pounds. i may be plateau-ing like a big dog, but i'm a happy camper. i get compliments almost on a daily basis.

so, one year of watching everything that goes onto my plate and into my mouth, working out and drinking more water than i thought humanly possible before i started. now i just have the rest of my life to go. :-)

Posted: 4:48 PM, 12/7/2007 in Diary of a fat girl

revenge is so sweet!

2007-11-29T15:40:00.000-05:00

i don't know if i've mentioned it before, but the company i work for is a small operation. there are about 15 employees between both companies my boss owns. needless to say, it is a very family sort of environment. we all get along, for the most part. that is, until recently. enter upon the scene the newest addition to the family: ms. colombia. now, let me say i have nothing against colombians at all. however, this one in particular used to get under my skin on a regular basis when she first started here. the receptionist we had at the time fared worse than i with her. it was a constant issue with the two of them. the receptionist and i were rather close and i think i got caught in the crossfire a lot. she gets under my skin MUCH less now that the receptionist is gone. either that or i have just gotten used to her. regardless of why, it is in my best interest to get along with her as she is VERY close to both of my bosses. i know what side my bread is buttered on. of course all the customers think she is a hottie. she has the latin accent when she speaks english and plays the poor innocent little spanish girl with batting eyelashes rather well. she does the cutesy thing well too, running around calling people "sweetie potato pan cake" with a thick spanish accent. the guys melt every time. trust me, papito, that aint what its all about.

at any rate, the story goes like this: she comes on board, all sorts of clashes begin between her and the receptionist, lots of sarcastic little comments to me, silent treatment, dirty looks, etc.

fast forward to the company party for july 4th. i had shoulder length hair at the time and my boss had scheduled a spa day for my birthday which was around the corner. we were all talking about what was planned for my hair and she, of course, was giving her advice. she is the office expert on all things cosmetic. *sarcastic smile* i was telling her how long my hair was before (which i didn't think she knew) and she said she remembered. i asked her "did i have long hair when i met you?" and she replied "yes, i met you when you were ugly and had long hair." of course, my jaw dropped. i raised an eyebrow and asked her "did you just call me ugly?" according to her, she didn't. she claims to have meant that she finds long hair ugly and that it was a language malfunction.

i said all that to say this: fast forward to today. i'll give you three guesses as to who was asking me for diet advice and the first two don't count. *doing the nanny nanny boo boo dance* she wants to drop a few pounds before some christmas party she has to go to with her man and came to ME to ask how to go about it. maybe after she does it, i can tell her "i met you when you were ugly and fat" and then claim to have meant something else.

but like i said, she and i are getting along now and i'm over her past rudenesses (don't you just love when i make up words?) so of course i won't be doing anything like that ... pregnant pause ... well, maybe.

Posted: 3:19 PM, 11/29/2007

a little word association

2007-11-27T15:39:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

stole this one from Libertine

1. Filthy :: Dirty
2. Therapist :: Shrink
3. Duck :: Bill
4. Slant :: Slide
5. Artist :: Canvas
6. Lease :: Car
7. Wish :: Dream
8. Doormat :: Feet
9. Global :: Warming
10. Apartment :: Small

1. Cluster :: Fuck
2. Announcement :: Wedding
3. Respect :: Admire
4. Incident :: Situation
5. Accordion :: Beer garden
6. Drunk :: Tequila
7. If :: And only if
8. Dexter :: Laboratory
9. Wedding :: Bride
10. Gambling :: Vegas

1. Illicit :: Dirty
2. Go :: Away
3. Jacket :: Cold
4. Blow :: Up
5. Coach :: Baseball
6. Effort :: Work
7. Leadership :: Skills
8. Snore :: Loud
9. Fearless :: Lucy
10. Network :: Television

1. Inaugural :: Speech
2. Pledge :: Vow
3. String :: Crafts
4. Trot :: Fox
5. Fitness :: Priority
6. Cinder :: Block
7. Edge :: Ledge
8. 31 :: Flavors
9. Blue :: Moon
10. Leather :: Playtime

1. Las Vegas :: Hotel
2. Linus :: Computer
3. Struck :: Star
4. Movie :: Flick
5. Anxious :: Nervous
6. Bandit :: Sleepover
7. Picks :: Ice
8. Lasso :: Cowboy
9. Dinner :: Family
10. Bargain :: Sale

Posted: 6:36 PM, 11/27/2007

UGH

2007-11-13T18:17:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i want to write something. i mean REALLY write something. something of substance, something worthy of reading. something worthy of accolades. i want to express myself with flowery, flowing words. i want to my reader to be drawn in, enthralled, caught up. i want the words to flow from my fingertips. i don't want to have to force them.

the basic problem with all of this is that i doubt my skill. i don't think the way i write is good enough. it doesn't flow the way i want it to. it isn't expressive enough. i'm never pleased with it. if i have the intellect to enjoy things written a certain way, why can't i write that way?

Posted: 6:35 PM, 11/13/2007

more meme action. still no mojo

2007-11-13T18:16:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

this is supposed to be a "ten things" meme, but there are not 10 questions in each section. i could be cute and come up with reasons why each question is missing like twist, but i'm not feeling nearly entertaining enough today. so, here ya go:

1. Are you single? nope. quite happily attached, thank you.
2. Are you happy? blisfully so with some things (like the wife, home life, etc). completely unhappy with others
3. Are you bored? a bit
4. Are you sad? no, not really. i have bouts of sadness, but not today.
5. Are you Italian? nope
6. Are you German? part german, yes.
7. Are you Asian? no, but i wish i was sometimes. their culture fascinates me.
8. Are you cool? most definitely! i rock people's socks!
9. Are you Irish? nope
10. Are your parents still married? no.

TEN FACTS
1. Birth Place: san antonio, texas
2. Hair Color: dark brown/black (currently dyed a bit lighter with highlights)
4. Hair style: just past the shoulders and layered
5. Eye color: light brown
6. Birthday: july 11
7. Mood: manic
9. Where do you live? miami, the magic city
10. Lefty/righty: righty.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
2. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes. i am a hopeless romantic
3. Why did your last relationship fail? ummm... cuz he was a boy and like girls better?
4. Have you ever been hurt? oh yes.
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart? yes
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? yes. well, technically no, because i've told them after the "like" was over.
8. Are you afraid of commitment? not anymore.
9. Have you hugged someone within the last week? yes.
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer? not that i know of.

TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust? both. love gives me warm fuzzies and lust is just delicious!
2. Hard liquor or beer? hard liquor. party like a rockstar, baby! :-D
3. Cats or dogs? dogs. we have cats in the house, but they are ungrateful bitches.
4. A few best friends or many regular friends? just a few best friends. i know lots of people but they aren't all in my inner circle.
5. Television or Internet? internet
6. Pepsi or coke? diet dr. pepper
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? half and half.
10.IM or phone? phone

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out? never sneaked out.
2. Been skinny dipping? of course!
3. Done something you regret? yes
4. Bungee jumped? nope. never will either.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? when i was a kid
7. Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? yep
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? yep. thank god for unanswered prayers. yes thats a line from a country song, but its also how i feel.
9. Cried because you lost a pet? yes
10. Wanted to disappear? most definitely.

TEN PREFERENCES
1. Smile or eyes: both.
2. Light or dark hair: no preference
3. Hugs or kisses: depends
4. Shorter or taller: don't care
5. Intelligence or attraction: intelligence
6. Romantic or spontaneous: both
8. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
9. Smelly feet or smelly breath: feet
10. Play the guitar or into sports: sports

TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made: to a friend in the hospital
2. Last phone call you received: the wife's sister
3. Last person you hung out with: i don't have time to "hang out"
4. Last person you hugged: the wife
5. Last person you tackled: not a tackler, sorry.
6. Last person you IMed: my mother
7. Last text message you received: "yes" from the wife. hmm... can't remember what that yes was for... maybe i should get naked in the hopes that it was yes she wants to play?
8. Last person(s) you liked: the wife. i dig her.
9. Last person you missed: my grandparents
10.Last person you kissed: the wife. yummmmm!

Posted: 3:13 PM, 11/13/2007

No mojo, only meme

2007-11-06T18:15:00.000-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

1) What is your favorite TV show? L Word, although The Daily Show is a close second
2) What one word in your opinion describes you? Determined
3) What is your favorite CD at the moment? Hmm... don't really have one
4) How many contacts are in your cell phone? 103
5) Favorite rock song? Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones
6) Favorite sandwich? Roast beef & swiss with mustard on rye
7) What characteristic do you despise? Lying
8) Language you would love to learn? Chinese
9) Do you throw your clothes away or donate them to charity? Charity
10) Hot Dog or Hamburger? Hamburger
11) Favorite vacation spot? Key West
12) Do you participate in group discussions or just sit and listen? Participate
13) Where would you retire to? Don't know.
14) What was your most recent memorable birthday? 30th. Wifey threw me a surprise party
15) Favorite sport to watch? Football or baseball
16) Favorite saying? Seriously, what the fuck?
17) Are you a morning person or a night person? Night person
18) Do you laugh out loud or keep it in? Laugh out loud
19) Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Nope.
20) What did you want to be when you were little? A doctor. Or a rock star.
21) Favorite sweet tooth item? Anything chocolate. Preferably truffles.
22) Favorite flower? Orchids
23) What are you listening to right now? Orange Crush (live) by REM
24) Do you wish on stars? Nope
25) If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I am too diverse to be pigeon-holed by one color. :-)
26) Favorite food to cook? Anything Mexican. I make a mean enchilda
27) Favorite wine? Not a wine drinker
28) Favorite soda: Big Red
29) Favorite beer: Not a beer drinker
30) Favorite liquor? Vodka or rum
31) Favorite restaurant? Don't know really... Cheesecake Factory, I suppose
32) Hair color? Dark brown
33) Siblings? Half sister (who I don't speak to) and a few step sisters and brothers
34) Favorite days of the year? Any Saturday
35) What was your favorite toy as a child? My Atari
36) Summer or winter? Winter
37) Hugs or kisses? Depends
38) Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
39) When was the last time you cried? Can't remember
40) What did you do last night? Cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen, fed the dogs and helped with homework
41) Favorite scent? Anything fresh and clean smelling. (Febreeze, fabric softener, wifey's favorite perfume)
42) What are you afraid of? Spiders
43) If you could be any profession, what would you be? A Playboy bunny. Or maybe a stripper. ;-)
44) Who knows you better than anyone? Wifey.
45) Popcorn? Not anymore (diet restrictions)
46) How many keys on your key ring? 4
47) Favorite day of the week? Saturday
48) Favorite 80's Song? Just one? Hmm... Manic Monday by the Bangles
49) How many cities have you lived in? 4
50) Do you think your friends talk about you behind your back? Yeah, but I don't care a whole heck of a lot.

Posted: 12:22 PM, 11/6/2007

shocked and sad

2007-10-25T18:12:00.001-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

well, i had a whole post written about wanting to break out and do something different, but it all seems selfish and juvenile now. i just heard from the wife of a good friend of mine. apparently my friend took his own life on 10/12. my heart breaks for him, for the pain he must have been in to make that decision, for his wife, for his kids. he was an awesome friend to me and i loved him very much. his absence leaves a hole in my heart.

only because i took the time to write it when i should have been working and because i know that once i am over the shock, i will still want to do something wild, below is my original post. aside from that, i am a big beleiver in honoring loved ones when they pass by doing something they enjoyed. my friend was definitely a wild child and i can't think of a better way to honor his memory than by being a little wild. he used to call it living on the "dark side". my dear friend, i will spend a night on the dark side in your honor soon.

(tommyfusco, you would be happy to know that this post was originally entitled "its not unusual" because it actually fit the post. see the first line below)

*****************************************************************************

its not unusual for me to be in this mood. life in the spaceystacey/greenfairy household can get overwhelming with a quickness and lately it has happened again. real life has sucked us in and doesn't seem to want to let us back out any time soon. between kids, guests, being sick, dogs, moms, and the like, we have had very little time for any real fun. it is always at times like this that i want to "break out" as i put it. i need a weekend, or at least a night to get back in touch with my little wild side. as an adult, i realize it can't be party time 24/7, but i haven't had party time in way too long and i need that to stay grounded. i'm very happy being the martha stewart-ish step mommy and wife, but every once in awhile i need to break out the strap on, get drunk, get inked, etc. its just part of the dichotomy that is me. i like martha stewart and strap ons. i like mozart and metallica. i look like a good girl, but i curse like a sailor quite often. i look shy and reserved, but i've got three tattoos.

the question is i don't know what to do. ideas?

Posted: 4:20 PM, 10/25/2007

what's new pussycat?

2007-10-22T18:07:00.001-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i don't have much time to blog today, so how about a quick and diry update?

weight loss: down a few more pounds. the grand total is now 59. i now weigh less than i can ever remember weighing. i'm sure i weighed less in high school, but i don't remember what the number was. maybe i've blocked it from my memory. i am loving the new number on the scale. i actually feel like i'm strutting and purring when i walk. the wife seems to have noticed too, which rocks!

health: one test down, one to go plus a monitor for 24 hours. wifey was recovering from the bronchitis and then caught a stomach virus. she wound up spending the night in the hosptial for dehydration. then, she gave it to me. oh there was just tons-o-fun to be had in our house. LOL.

finances: still in the crapper

work: still work

got lots on my mind but no time to post. catch ya on the flip side!

Posted: 3:22 PM, 10/22/2007

stuff and things

2007-10-11T18:00:00.001-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

well, i'm still alive. the reason for my lack of blogging of late? umm..... not sure really.

the only news going on in spacey/green world is that i went to the doc, who decided she wanted me to go back on the diet pill i was taking before but needed to do the standard ekg before since it had been so long since i'd been on it. thank goodness she did cuz what did we find? an arrhythmia! so off to the cardiologist i go and the ekg there confirms what my primary doc found. so tomorrow is the echocardiogram, next friday is the stress test and then a monitor for 24 hours. meanwhile, wifey came down with bronchitis. she is doing better now, but she was a pretty sick woman.

work is work. home is good. finances suck ASS. i'm still trying to get this blog to look like i want it to. i made a little progress, but i'm not done yet. i still don't get how i can design websites and not be able to get this together. how do i get the "i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell" to not show up on my header? i'm sure its simple, but i can't make it go away without my blog showing as untitled.

so what have you people been up to? i've only been able to catch up on a few blogs cuz i am not comfortable around here yet. talk to me, ppl!

Posted: 2:41 PM, 10/11/2007

only here in spirit

2007-09-13T13:50:00.000-04:00

well, i'm here, but only to keep in touch with my efx2 peeps.

what's your fantasy?

2007-06-20T16:38:00.001-04:00

lookout weekend cuz here i come!

2007-06-08T23:34:00.001-04:00

i am not in high school anymore

2007-05-17T22:54:00.003-04:00

i love this woman

2007-05-11T19:00:00.002-04:00

confession

2007-05-10T19:02:00.001-04:00

progess

2007-05-04T19:04:00.001-04:00

today

2007-04-26T19:05:00.001-04:00

whatever

2007-04-19T19:09:00.001-04:00

finally

2007-03-26T19:11:00.004-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

i figured it was time to actually post something instead of a meme or a quiz, so here i am, still with lots to say and nothing at all at the same time. i wish i had time to do a dirty thirty, but i am at work right now and while i have half an hour left on my lunch break, i'm sure i'll get interrupted too many times. so, i figure i'll just ramble for a bit.

it has come to my attention (after discovering careless errors at work) that i am FRIED and in much need of some time to decompress and disconnect. to that end, i have a few things in mind:

i am hoping to be able to go on a women only spiritual camping trip soon. there are going to be all kinds of activities, all sorts of new things to learn, etc.

shortly thereafter, wifey and i are going to have an in-town getaway. going out of town (even though i had an offer to have hotel paid for) is just not feasible. wifey's business is new and she needs to be able to do SOME work every day just to keep up and keep those customers happy. plus, we have 4 dogs and a cat. the cost to board them alone is prohibitive. so we have decided to take a long weekend where she will work the minimum possible and we have no other plans than to be together. we desperatley need it. as my boss so eloquently put it, we need to take a weekend to suck and fuck to our heart's content. lol. while that may be true, we also need some couple time. i need to feel like more than a dishwasher, dog feeder, child picker upper and wifey needs to feel like more than a taxi driver and complaint department. and she really needs some time away from the computer. i think her mouse has indentations where her fingers go. i can think of much more fun things to do with those fingers.

before that, however (this coming weekend) i plan to spend at least one night (two if i'm lucky) heavily under the influence. i tried to do that this weekend, but it didn't work out.

i have been feeling rather strongly that i need to do something with my life lately. i've been feeling....... stagnant. i considered taking classes at the local community college, but it will take too long to get the degree i was interested in. seeing as how its not a requirement to do this thing i'm interested in (which is staying under wraps for awhile, hence the general references to this "thing"), i'm teaching myself. so far things are going well. the next task is to get my new computer up to speed so that i can do online tutorials and such. that is going to involve removing memory, a hard drive and cd-rom from the old computer and putting it all in the new one. while that may sound easy to some, i have never done any of those things. i'm concerned, but looking forward to the opportunity to learn such things.

for those of you who know what the moyo files, are, we have a new addition. wifey was going through her mp3s this weekend (some of which were downloaded by her godson) and she asked me if i like daddy yankee. but of course moyo yoyo over there asked me if like "doddy jankee" of course, i lost it. god i love that woman.

in un-related news, i took a few quizzes over at quizfarm and found out that:

i am a goddess
You scored as Goddess. You are a goddess. Your constantly helping people with their problems, but you never take time for you. You should try to take some alone time. Take a trip far away, where noone knows you. It will be good for you, because you deserve a break.
What ancient breed are you?
created with QuizFarm.com<

my kinky turn on is bondage:
You scored as Bondage. Your turn on is bondage... all out. You don't have a specific part of kinky sex that turns you on more than any other... everything working together turns you on. And why shouldn't it? Sex isn't sex without all the trimmings.
What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com

i'm a slave to bdsm:
You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun.
How are you in bed
created with QuizFarm.com

and i'm a "surprise" dyke:
You scored as The Surprise! Dyke. Despite the dead giveaways, such as the tattoos and love of the L Word, people still seem to think that you're straight.
What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
created with QuizFarm.com

my bar tab is $590

2007-03-19T19:17:00.002-04:00

33 questions

2007-03-14T19:19:00.002-04:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************

ok so my mind has been racing today about the conflicting sides of my personality, aspirations, etc. lots of clutter in there. i could use a dirty thirty, but i can't find the time.

so in its place, another meme for your reading pleasure

1. Can you cook?
like a mother fucker :-D and i can bake even better than that.

2. What was your dream growing up?
to be a doctor or a research scientist

3. What talent do you wish you had?
i wish i could sing. i love music. if there is description of a music lover that means what foodie means for food lovers, i'm it. i always refrain from jamming when people are around cuz i can't carry a tune to save my life.

4. Favorite place?
anywhere wifey is

5. Favorite vegetable?
i pretty much like them all. if i had to pick one i'd say broccoli

6. What was the last book you read?
the bretheren by john grisham

7. What zodiac sign are u?
cancer. i know, i know, don't be shocked. miss cook and craft and bake is a sign that is notorious for being family and home oriented? please, pick your jaw up off the floor.

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
both ears are double pierced and i have one in the left ear, up at the top in the cartilage. yeah, yeah, its popular know, but i did mine back in the day when it wasn't, bitches. and 3 tattoos. a butterfly on my chest, a rose on my ankle and a dreamcatcher on my shoulder.

9. Worst Habit?
i'm a sarcastic bitch

10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
nope. i only know 2 bloggers in real life

11. What is your favorite sport?
football, without a doubt. i like me some hockey and baseball too, though.

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
optimistic

13. What would we talk about if we were stuck in an elevator?
probably just small talk

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
my second girlfriend. she was a druggie, she cheated, she hit.... not a good scene

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
i must clean my ears with a q-tip after EVERY shower. no exceptions.

16. Do have any pets?
yep. 4 dogs and a cat.

17. Do u know how to do the macerana?
nope. don't plan on it either. i can chicken dance, but thats about it.

18. What time is it where u are now?
7:19 pm

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
eh, whatever.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
my weight. the rest i'm ok with.

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
partner in crime.

22. What color eyes do you have?
light brown

23. Ever been arrested?
nope. i'm either a goodie goodie or just never been caught doing bad shit. you decide.

24. Bottle or Draft?
neither. i don't do beer

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
seeing as how that isn't enough to put down on a house or buy a car, i'd have to say i'd play. i'd travel with the fam, buy treats for everyone, etc.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
orbitz. any flavor really, but my faves are bubble mint and sweet mint.

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
the one in my dining room

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
absolutely. some freaky shit has happened to me in my day

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
spare time? surely you jest!

30. Do you swear a lot?
have you read the one or two i've let fly while filling this out? i think its safe to say i curse like a sailor. not lady-like, i know. honestly, i don't give a fuck

31. Biggest pet peeve?
lots of things (see sarcastic bitch comment above). bad customer service is pretty high on the list

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
different

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
yeah, why not.

the name game

2007-03-09T19:19:00.002-05:00

putting on the ritz

2007-03-02T19:20:00.001-05:00

swallowed whole

2007-01-23T19:22:00.001-05:00

did ya miss me?

2007-01-04T19:24:00.002-05:00

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

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so did you guys miss me at all? (here is where you insert a yes. there is no other answer cuz i know you were all missing me so much you couldn't stand it.)

so yeah. merry christmas, happy new year, happy hanukkah and all that jazz. i hope you all had a happy holiday. i got to see my mom for christmas. even if there was an issue on christmas eve, it was still great to spend time with her. we had a party at the house on new year's eve, which was also nice. we all had too much too drink and we all had a great time. i've heard that what you do on new year's eve is what you will be doing all year long. trust me, we rang it in right.

i don't really know why i haven't blogged lately. i guess its been a combination of a lack of time and lack of mojo (or moyo for my faithful readers). life in the spacey/green household has been a busy lately and happier than ever. wifey and i have been so sappy we've even said "we really need to get a room"

i do have to say, though, that she said something to me that made me quite sad the other day. no, it wasn't a fight or anything. it was just an observation that made me want to hold her and never let go. as a result of recent events and comments made to both of us, she said that she was tired of feeling like she had to prove herself to my family and friends. that broke my heart. the fact that someone as good and loving as wifey would feel that way saddens me. her family accepted me even when they thought i was only a "friend" and they really opened their hearts when they found out the truth. wifey hasn't been so lucky with my family and friends. my grandparents have come a long way and accept her now, but it was a rough road. she and my mom had their issues in the past as well, which have been worked out. we both kind of felt like my mom acted a bit different over the christmas holiday, but it could also have just been sensitive feelings over the drama on christmas eve. differing perceptions aside, i've learned that people don't always take the good with the bad when i tell the whole story and assume the worst when i leave out the nasty details. it frustrates me for me and for wifey. for me because i feel like i either can't say a damn thing or i need to over explain so that people don't think that whatever shitty thing is going on in my life is because of her. for her because she doesn't deserve anything but love and acceptance. she is truly the most beautiful human being i've ever known. truth be told, we've been through some shit. but we've been through it together. some of it i put her through, some she put me through and some we were put through as a couple and decided on the best path together. yes she makes me think i'm insane when we fight, but guess what, i'm rude as fuck when we fight too. shit happens. the bottom line is this woman makes me feel things i never thought possible. she makes me smile, laugh and cry from sheer happiness. it makes me crazy that the whole world can't see that.

i have to post a bit of a side note at this point. wifey just asked me what i was writing about and i said "you because you made me sad" to which she replied "you wouldn't post that without telling me first" (after asking me when, of course). when asked why, she said cuz i knew i'd get a spanking for doing something like that (its a deal we have. i'll never blog something she hasn't heard from me first). my answer was of course that i was telling the whole blog world that she was mean to me and called me names (so i can get the spanking, of course). so help me out people, tell her all the horrible stuff i told you guys about her while she wasn't looking so i can cash in!

bring it on, baby!

one week down, a lifetime to go

2006-12-11T18:43:00.001-05:00

how cute!

2006-12-01T18:53:00.000-05:00

an update... of sorts

2006-12-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

my absence

2006-11-28T18:46:00.000-05:00

all hail the queen

2006-11-24T18:48:00.000-05:00

questions and answers... part 2

2006-11-17T18:51:00.000-05:00

questions and answers

2006-11-16T18:58:00.000-05:00

show me some love

2006-11-10T18:59:00.000-05:00

time spent in mickey's house

2006-11-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

what is it with me?

2006-11-01T18:55:00.000-05:00

my arm has been twisted

2006-10-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

how stacey got her groove back

2006-10-04T19:08:00.000-04:00

me..... uncensored

2006-06-14T19:30:00.001-04:00

me vs. me

2006-06-11T19:34:00.003-04:00

mojo lost

2006-05-31T19:38:00.001-04:00