the waiting game

i went to see my primary doc awhile back for some red spots that had started appearing on my face and chest. she sent me home with a script for hydrocortisone. it certainly didn't feel like a rash, but i didn't go to medical school, so i used it for a bit. no change. when i went to see her again, she said it looked like petichae (broken capillaries) and referred me to a dermatologist. that was late last year and i kept putting off making the appointment as i had too many other things going on plus changes in insurance, medical spending deductions, etc.

so, i finally got to see him the other day and he says the same thing. he also notices that my hands were turning blue (this happens often when i'm cold). he tells me he is going to have some blood work done and his office will call me with the results. i hear him say to his nurse that he wants a "lupus panel" on me. well, of course, i can't just sit and wait for them to call me when its something like lupus hanging in the balance, so i called his office a few days later. the receptionist says that my blood work is in, but the doc hasn't looked at it yet. i mentioned that i was very nervous about the results and asked that someone let me know as soon as possible. a few minutes later my phone rings. of course, i'm hoping its the receptionist. i don't know about other people's experiences, but in my experience, if the doc themselves call you, its not good news. when the office staff calls, its usually the all clear (although my pcp had one of her staff call to tell me they found cysts on my ovaries once). anyhow, i pick up the phone and its the receptionist. i think "YAY!" after confirming who she was speaking to, the next words out of her mouth were "hold on just a second, the doctor wants to speak to you."

FUCK!

he says i tested positive for "something in the lupus family", but thinks it is a more "benign" version. he tells me he thinks it is c.r.e.s.t. syndrome (basically scleroderma) and tells me my next step is to see a rheumatologist. he recommended one who happens to accept my insurance.

i have an appointment to see him on 4/16. a freaking MONTH from now.

so for now... i wait.