shocked and sad

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

*********************************************


well, i had a whole post written about wanting to break out and do something different, but it all seems selfish and juvenile now. i just heard from the wife of a good friend of mine. apparently my friend took his own life on 10/12. my heart breaks for him, for the pain he must have been in to make that decision, for his wife, for his kids. he was an awesome friend to me and i loved him very much. his absence leaves a hole in my heart.

only because i took the time to write it when i should have been working and because i know that once i am over the shock, i will still want to do something wild, below is my original post. aside from that, i am a big beleiver in honoring loved ones when they pass by doing something they enjoyed. my friend was definitely a wild child and i can't think of a better way to honor his memory than by being a little wild. he used to call it living on the "dark side". my dear friend, i will spend a night on the dark side in your honor soon.

(tommyfusco, you would be happy to know that this post was originally entitled "its not unusual" because it actually fit the post. see the first line below)

*****************************************************************************

its not unusual for me to be in this mood. life in the spaceystacey/greenfairy household can get overwhelming with a quickness and lately it has happened again. real life has sucked us in and doesn't seem to want to let us back out any time soon. between kids, guests, being sick, dogs, moms, and the like, we have had very little time for any real fun. it is always at times like this that i want to "break out" as i put it. i need a weekend, or at least a night to get back in touch with my little wild side. as an adult, i realize it can't be party time 24/7, but i haven't had party time in way too long and i need that to stay grounded. i'm very happy being the martha stewart-ish step mommy and wife, but every once in awhile i need to break out the strap on, get drunk, get inked, etc. its just part of the dichotomy that is me. i like martha stewart and strap ons. i like mozart and metallica. i look like a good girl, but i curse like a sailor quite often. i look shy and reserved, but i've got three tattoos.

the question is i don't know what to do. ideas?

Posted: 4:20 PM, 10/25/2007