breaking news: bullshit tolerance hits an all-time low!

i am so sick and fucking tired of people passing judgment on my life and the choices i make. i'm sick of the snide little comments and i'm sick of the narrow minded views from people who claim to be open minded. so once again, you will have to pardon me if this post doesn't make much sense. this is an open letter/rant about all the people and things that are pissing me off lately:

just because i'm not living the situation YOU find to be ideal, it doesn't mean i am suffering in any way at all. in fact, i'm happier than i've ever been in my life. and just fy-fucking-i, i find your situation to be FAR from my ideal. but i don't tell you that. i let you make your own choices and i don't judge. let me make mine.

just because wifey's kids and parents are not related to me by blood doesn't make them any less "family" to me. i married a woman with kids. together we are a family, even if i didn't give birth to them. what kind of person would i be if i didn't participate in their lives?

just because i work out of the home doesn't mean wifey sits on her butt. wifey works her ASS off all day too. do you really think that caring for both of her parents who have alzheimer's is a walk in the park? or that she sits home and eats bon bons all day like peggy fucking bundy?

working outside of the home does not entail me to come home and have to not lift a finger. what kind of person would i be if that was my attitude? this isn't some leave it to beaver shit where ward goes to work and june cooks and cleans. this is real life. we share the responsibilities.

i am not doing anything more than a hetero couple in the same scenario would do. why is it ok for you but not ok for me? why is it always "you have so much on your plate"? it should be "you GUYS have so much on your plate." all that does is show me how you don't really see my relationship as a marriage. i don't care how open minded you claim to be. i see through the bullshit and i would greatly appreciate it if you quit blowing smoke up my ass.

bottom line? if people are going to continue to make assumptions about my life and then judgments based on their own incorrect assumptions without giving me or wifey the benefit of the doubt, then fuck it. and if every time i mention something that i spent time and/or energy on i have to throw a disclaimer in there how wifey spent just as much time and/or energy doing it with me just so i can prove she isn’t' taking advantage of me, then (once again) fuck it. i don't have the energy to engage in those kinds of conversations. if that means not talking about my personal life with you, then so be it. i don't need your (unsolicited) input or approval.

oh and for those people in my real life who may stumble across this (if you still read my blog), don't go getting all upset. even if it sounds like it, the above may not refer to anything you said or did. i've been getting this shit from all sides lately.

i do not want this

i am in a horrible mood today. its one of those days where everything bothers me. certain people are just getting on my nerves, there is too much to do, not enough money to do it with, not enough time to do it all, i have had no results on my diet in way too long... and on and on the list goes. i hate being in this mood. that, of course, only makes the mood worse. i had a little freak out last night which led to a fight with the wife, which also makes the mood worse. we aren't still fighting or anything, but i am always OFF for awhile when we fight. the only thing that has made me laugh all day was the memory of me telling the wife "oh no you DIDN'T!" when she said something i didn't like. sometimes my inner sha-nay-nay comes out. lol.

so many times when i feel like this people say that wifey and i have too much on our plates and we need to take a break. easy for them to say... who stays with her parents and the kids while we take our break? nobody is willing to. and if we went somewhere, what exactly can we do for zero dollars? we could go to the beach and walk around or go to the lesbian club before they start charging cover at 11, but there is the issue of gas and parking. we are seriously in that tight of a financial situation that those things are a concern.

aside from that, another huge frustration for me is the diet issue. i can't tell you how tired i am of watching every SINGLE bite of food going in my mouth and getting no results. i have willpower like you wouldn't beleive, but i need to see results. "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is a good mantra, but not so much when you aren't losing weight. maybe i need to switch to south beach or something. all i know is i can't take much more of this. this issue is bigger than just what i eat. i'm so tired of not liking what i see in the mirror. the wife, bless her, thinks i'm a super-hottie. while that does help, it doesn't change it completely.

to top it off, i haven't been feeling the greatest this week. i'm a sleepy head, but this week has been out of hand. no matter how many hours a day i sleep, i'm exhausted all day long. someone at work was saying its because i'm stressed out, but i don't feel stressed. sure, wifey and i (more wifey since she stays home with them) have more on our plates than the average person, but i've pretty much adjusted to level of madness.

maybe i just need a drink.