i really can't deny it anymore. the state of my mental health, that is. something is up with me, but i can't put my finger on it. i don't know whether to burst into tears or run outside and scream. i feel anxious, sad, tired, worried, stressed. i'm on emotional overload.
added to the mix is the fact that i feel like crap physically. i keep telling myself that its all in my mind. i sat in that dermatologist's office and said i felt fine, now just because something came up on my bloodwork, i can't start feeling bad. its just power of suggestion, i tell myself. but all that coaching isn't working very well. i feel like i've been hit by a truck... tired, achy, dizzy.
anyway, i feel like i'm drowning in all of this, i just had to purge a little.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
stressed
you will have to excuse me if this post is backwards and sideways and vague. i'm WAY stressed right now.
sometimes life is smooth sailing, sometimes not so much. sometimes i can handle the madness, sometimes not so much. lately i have had bunches of those not so much days. at one point this weekend, wifey looked at me and said "i'm overwhelmed." i couldn't agree more. on top of the normal madness that is our life, it seems like everything else is happening at once... sick pets, kid issues, etc. it all just seemed to hit frenzied pace on friday when someone said something to me that pissed me off. what an eye opener that was, and not the good kind.
and to top it all off, i have a fucking toothache!
sometimes life is smooth sailing, sometimes not so much. sometimes i can handle the madness, sometimes not so much. lately i have had bunches of those not so much days. at one point this weekend, wifey looked at me and said "i'm overwhelmed." i couldn't agree more. on top of the normal madness that is our life, it seems like everything else is happening at once... sick pets, kid issues, etc. it all just seemed to hit frenzied pace on friday when someone said something to me that pissed me off. what an eye opener that was, and not the good kind.
and to top it all off, i have a fucking toothache!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
last night
i was lying in bed last night, thinking and talking to the wife about some heavy stuff and overkill by men at work kept running through my head:
"I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps its just my imagination"
splintered, i know you posted these lyrics once too... i swear we knew each other in a past life!
no worries, greenfairy/spaceystacey fans, there is no trouble in our relationship. we are still the same happy, sappy, hot lesbians we always were. we were discussing............. stuff. :-) stuff i'm not ready to share with anyone yet, but serious, life changing decisions kind of stuff. can we do this? can we handle this? how will i feel 5 years from now if i do? how will i feel 5 years from now if i don't? ugh! the weight of it all!
anyhow, i woke up this morning with this song still in my head and with a driving need to hear it. how upset was i when i got in my car, plugged in my ipod only to discover i don't have this song on there? as soon as i was able once i got to work, i watched the video on youtube. in case you wanna hear it, here it is.
in other news, my computer at work took a shit. i'm using a loaner. pretty bad ass loaner, too.
i'm off to post an update on my low carb blog. catch ya on the flip side, peeps!
peace, love and hair grease!
"I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps its just my imagination"
splintered, i know you posted these lyrics once too... i swear we knew each other in a past life!
no worries, greenfairy/spaceystacey fans, there is no trouble in our relationship. we are still the same happy, sappy, hot lesbians we always were. we were discussing............. stuff. :-) stuff i'm not ready to share with anyone yet, but serious, life changing decisions kind of stuff. can we do this? can we handle this? how will i feel 5 years from now if i do? how will i feel 5 years from now if i don't? ugh! the weight of it all!
anyhow, i woke up this morning with this song still in my head and with a driving need to hear it. how upset was i when i got in my car, plugged in my ipod only to discover i don't have this song on there? as soon as i was able once i got to work, i watched the video on youtube. in case you wanna hear it, here it is.
in other news, my computer at work took a shit. i'm using a loaner. pretty bad ass loaner, too.
i'm off to post an update on my low carb blog. catch ya on the flip side, peeps!
peace, love and hair grease!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
i'm back, bitches!
so... i've been dressing up this week. monday was jeans with high heeled boots, yesterday was chinos with some very nice flats and today, heels, slacks and a very soft blouse. i have the whole make up and hair do thing rocking too and i'm loving it. (i'm wearing the same lipstick as in the pic of me biting my lips over there just in case you were wondering and i know you were). i am dressing like this to make sure my new clothes for my upcoming trip work, but i'm also making a conscious effort to bring the sexy back (as i mentioned in my last post). whatever the reason, i really do need to keep this up. i'd forgotten how much i liked dressing like this. i feel polished... girlie... SEXY. i've been doing jeans, tshirt and crocs for too long. i feel like i'm rediscovering that inner me thats been lost. that inner me that (as my gay friend said) was the only girl wearing chanel in high school.
as an added bonus: the sexier i feel, the more i think about sex in general and boy oh boy have i had some nice fantasies running through my head today.
gotta run, peeps! gotta touch up the make up before i get home so wifey can drool. ;-)
as an added bonus: the sexier i feel, the more i think about sex in general and boy oh boy have i had some nice fantasies running through my head today.
gotta run, peeps! gotta touch up the make up before i get home so wifey can drool. ;-)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
i'm not dead yet
please forgive me, bloggie peeps. i've been MIA for a bit. for awhile i was blogging on my lunch break just about daily. i was either re-posting old blog entries, writing new ones or tweaking my layout. but... you see... i have been having an affair... with facebook. there are all these cute apps over there, green patches, word games, stickers, quizzes, old friends to be found... but the truth is i miss my blog. for the past week i've been trying to log in and post but... well, you see... i'm addicted to this word game on facebook. and i'm on a mission to at least get close to ben's score. i know i can't beat her, but i'd like to at least get close. anyway, what matters is that i'm here now. :-)
i know you are dying to know what has been up in my world, so here you go: my main concern of late is how stacey is going to get her groove back. please... read on.
sex is a huge priority in my life. but for me, it isn't just about how much of it i'm having. its about the thinking about it, the planning for it... its about putting make up on as i drive home just to make the wife do a double take when i walk in the door. its about doing my nails, getting a pedicure, and all the other girlie things that i like to do. lately, though, life has been so hectic that i haven't had time to do any of it and its starting to get me into a funk of astronomical proportions. i'm just not built to not feel sexy and be ok with that. i didn't realize what it was until recently. i just knew i felt "off". so, i began searching for a way to get myself back to making it a priority. i mentioned in a recent post that i had been reading lesbian blogs lately and one of them (the same one that discusses the gender isses i talked about in that post) often includes erotica and links to other sex related blogs and sites. that prompted me to do more thinking... i toyed with the idea of starting yet another blog and keeping it sex-related, thinking that writing about it would bring it to the forefront of my mind, and thereby help me make it a priority again. in the end, i decided against it. first of all, wifey wasn't comfortable with the intimate details of our sex lives out there for the world to see, even if it was under the veil of anonymity and i respect her opinion. had i so desired, i could have gone against her wishes and done it anyway, but that wasn't the deciding factor. aside from that, i realized that if i did start that second blog, what i was looking for was the attention (as far as comments and readers go), but the attention would be for someone that nobody knew was me. that isn't exactly what i was going for, so i scrapped the whole idea.
while all this was going on, i had to go shopping for new clothes for a business trip i'm going on next month. there was a great sale going on and i wound up getting everything i needed and then some. i found some cute girlie t-shirts for work that show a little cleavage and let the tip of my tattoo peek out the top. since they also fit me better than my other clothes (i have lost over 60 pounds and a lot of my clothes are waaaaay to big now), they show off my curves much more. add to that the fact that i had to get a size smaller pants than my recent "skinny" jeans and i was feeling like a hottie when i left that store! so, step one on my mission to bring the sexy back? so TOTALLY accomplished! and without even realizing it was step one! lol.
now comes a little pampering. i'm dying my hair next week (hopefully) back to my natural color. then there is a little lull in the re-sexifying plans until i am in dallas for my trip. my meetings start on monday, but i am flying in the day before to take my customer service rep to dinner (a little bonding goes a long way in my business). the only flights available get me into dfw at 10:30 in the morning, but i am not going out with the rep until the evening, so i have the whole day to myself. my boss is throwing a little extra spending cash my way to get a hair cut, a pedicure and a manicure. she even sprung for the room with a jacuzzi so that i could go back to the room and have a drink and a soak before dinner. i also have a gift certificate for a massage that i plan on redeeming while i'm there.
wish me luck, my dear bloggie peeps! i need to find that inner sex goddess again!
in other news, wifey's biopsy came back negative (YAY!). i had my second ultrasound and they found ovarian cysts again. i'll be visiting the gyno again very soon. other than that, life is status quo. the mother in law is recovering, the step daughter's belly is growing, the financial trouble is still there.
on that note, i'm outta here! peace, love, and other indoor sports! :-D
i know you are dying to know what has been up in my world, so here you go: my main concern of late is how stacey is going to get her groove back. please... read on.
sex is a huge priority in my life. but for me, it isn't just about how much of it i'm having. its about the thinking about it, the planning for it... its about putting make up on as i drive home just to make the wife do a double take when i walk in the door. its about doing my nails, getting a pedicure, and all the other girlie things that i like to do. lately, though, life has been so hectic that i haven't had time to do any of it and its starting to get me into a funk of astronomical proportions. i'm just not built to not feel sexy and be ok with that. i didn't realize what it was until recently. i just knew i felt "off". so, i began searching for a way to get myself back to making it a priority. i mentioned in a recent post that i had been reading lesbian blogs lately and one of them (the same one that discusses the gender isses i talked about in that post) often includes erotica and links to other sex related blogs and sites. that prompted me to do more thinking... i toyed with the idea of starting yet another blog and keeping it sex-related, thinking that writing about it would bring it to the forefront of my mind, and thereby help me make it a priority again. in the end, i decided against it. first of all, wifey wasn't comfortable with the intimate details of our sex lives out there for the world to see, even if it was under the veil of anonymity and i respect her opinion. had i so desired, i could have gone against her wishes and done it anyway, but that wasn't the deciding factor. aside from that, i realized that if i did start that second blog, what i was looking for was the attention (as far as comments and readers go), but the attention would be for someone that nobody knew was me. that isn't exactly what i was going for, so i scrapped the whole idea.
while all this was going on, i had to go shopping for new clothes for a business trip i'm going on next month. there was a great sale going on and i wound up getting everything i needed and then some. i found some cute girlie t-shirts for work that show a little cleavage and let the tip of my tattoo peek out the top. since they also fit me better than my other clothes (i have lost over 60 pounds and a lot of my clothes are waaaaay to big now), they show off my curves much more. add to that the fact that i had to get a size smaller pants than my recent "skinny" jeans and i was feeling like a hottie when i left that store! so, step one on my mission to bring the sexy back? so TOTALLY accomplished! and without even realizing it was step one! lol.
now comes a little pampering. i'm dying my hair next week (hopefully) back to my natural color. then there is a little lull in the re-sexifying plans until i am in dallas for my trip. my meetings start on monday, but i am flying in the day before to take my customer service rep to dinner (a little bonding goes a long way in my business). the only flights available get me into dfw at 10:30 in the morning, but i am not going out with the rep until the evening, so i have the whole day to myself. my boss is throwing a little extra spending cash my way to get a hair cut, a pedicure and a manicure. she even sprung for the room with a jacuzzi so that i could go back to the room and have a drink and a soak before dinner. i also have a gift certificate for a massage that i plan on redeeming while i'm there.
wish me luck, my dear bloggie peeps! i need to find that inner sex goddess again!
in other news, wifey's biopsy came back negative (YAY!). i had my second ultrasound and they found ovarian cysts again. i'll be visiting the gyno again very soon. other than that, life is status quo. the mother in law is recovering, the step daughter's belly is growing, the financial trouble is still there.
on that note, i'm outta here! peace, love, and other indoor sports! :-D
Monday, July 28, 2008
everything happens for a reason
everything happens for a reason. i used to hear people say that all the time, but i never really GOT it. then one day when i was looking back over my life, it hit me. if i hadn't been dating that guy in high school, i would never have met my first girlfriend (they were friends), which means i would have never left school and gone back home and met my second girlfriend, which means i would have never been running from the abusive relationship and wound up in new orleans. if i hadn't wound up there, i would never have moved to miami and never met my wifey. all that things i went through led me here and i LOVE it here. (with wifey, i mean, not miami)
it feels like life is spinning out of control lately. when it rains, it pours, right? allow me to illustrate the out of control-ness that is going on:
- wifey's mom fell and broke her arm this weekend. that means it takes more time and energy for wifey to care for her parents since her mom was able to do some things for herself and she can't now. last night found both of us still going full speed at 2 am and with things left to do on the list and both with killer headaches.
- wifey's business is slowing. the economy sucks and times are tough for little companies. she still puts pressure on herself to bring is as much money as possible, but i wish she wouldn't. as business slows it gives her more time for her parents who are needing her more and more. she has precious little time to work and rarely has more than a few minutes at a time. in my mind, that is perfectly fine since we didn't plan on her having to work when we moved in, but she wants to contribute (her words). i think she works harder than i do. caring for two parents with alzheimer's is MUCH harder than my job. even so, it is a constant struggle for her to balance both since she insists on it.
- on the way home from picking up the meds for wifey's mom (after getting out of the ER at 11 pm), i get pulled over and given two tickets
- my dog (the oldest of the bunch) has been sick to her stomach and not eating much since friday. she just turned 12, so i worry myself sick everytime any little thing goes wrong.
- we had company over the weekend. while their visit was fun, it did make things a bit more hectic than usual. even so, i wish they'd come back already. they are very cool people to be around.
- wifey and i are both having a few health issues right now. none of which are serious in their own right, but they don't help when added to the mix.
- factor in the every day shit (the usual craziness of 2 kids, 5 dogs, and 3 cats) plus the standard money problems (i am seriously underpaid) plus a few things i'm not at liberty to blog about and you've got a runaway freight train.
i keep trying to remind myself... everything happens for a reason... everything happens for a reason... say it with me. everything happens for a reason. that really needs to be my new mantra.
by the way, wifey, when you read this, i want you to know how incredible you are. i'm saying it here so everyone can see it too. i can't tell you how many times i wanted to run up to you, hold you, kiss you and reassure you this weekend. watching you hold your mom's hand in the hospital, watching you talk to the doctors... you looked so beautiful. you are the most amazing person i have ever met and i am so lucky to have you in my life. i know that there is a lot going on right now, but i know that we can get through it together. one thing you don't ever have to worry about is my support. i'm here for any and everything you need. i know that you know that, but i just want to remind you. i know what you are dealing with every day isn't easy. at the end of the day when you need a soft place to land, when you need reassurance, i'm right here.
it feels like life is spinning out of control lately. when it rains, it pours, right? allow me to illustrate the out of control-ness that is going on:
- wifey's mom fell and broke her arm this weekend. that means it takes more time and energy for wifey to care for her parents since her mom was able to do some things for herself and she can't now. last night found both of us still going full speed at 2 am and with things left to do on the list and both with killer headaches.
- wifey's business is slowing. the economy sucks and times are tough for little companies. she still puts pressure on herself to bring is as much money as possible, but i wish she wouldn't. as business slows it gives her more time for her parents who are needing her more and more. she has precious little time to work and rarely has more than a few minutes at a time. in my mind, that is perfectly fine since we didn't plan on her having to work when we moved in, but she wants to contribute (her words). i think she works harder than i do. caring for two parents with alzheimer's is MUCH harder than my job. even so, it is a constant struggle for her to balance both since she insists on it.
- on the way home from picking up the meds for wifey's mom (after getting out of the ER at 11 pm), i get pulled over and given two tickets
- my dog (the oldest of the bunch) has been sick to her stomach and not eating much since friday. she just turned 12, so i worry myself sick everytime any little thing goes wrong.
- we had company over the weekend. while their visit was fun, it did make things a bit more hectic than usual. even so, i wish they'd come back already. they are very cool people to be around.
- wifey and i are both having a few health issues right now. none of which are serious in their own right, but they don't help when added to the mix.
- factor in the every day shit (the usual craziness of 2 kids, 5 dogs, and 3 cats) plus the standard money problems (i am seriously underpaid) plus a few things i'm not at liberty to blog about and you've got a runaway freight train.
i keep trying to remind myself... everything happens for a reason... everything happens for a reason... say it with me. everything happens for a reason. that really needs to be my new mantra.
by the way, wifey, when you read this, i want you to know how incredible you are. i'm saying it here so everyone can see it too. i can't tell you how many times i wanted to run up to you, hold you, kiss you and reassure you this weekend. watching you hold your mom's hand in the hospital, watching you talk to the doctors... you looked so beautiful. you are the most amazing person i have ever met and i am so lucky to have you in my life. i know that there is a lot going on right now, but i know that we can get through it together. one thing you don't ever have to worry about is my support. i'm here for any and everything you need. i know that you know that, but i just want to remind you. i know what you are dealing with every day isn't easy. at the end of the day when you need a soft place to land, when you need reassurance, i'm right here.
Friday, February 29, 2008
i am...
this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.
*********************************************
no, this isn't another one of those posts about my conflicting opinions of myself or the many different sides of my personally. it is a "state of the union" in sections. i started with "i am defective" as the title and then realized i wanted to add few more things, so i added to the list of things that i am. so, for your reading pleasure (lol) here's what’s up in my world:
i am defective
some of you may remember that i have sleep apnea. it is not pretty, but it is reality. i was told first that it was because i was overweight. that began my first serious journey with atkins years ago. i struggled with it off and on, but never lost enough to make a difference (so i thought). then when i wind up at an ENT for some unrelated problem, he tells me that i have a "severely" deviated septum. yeah, i just get hotter by the second. i'm fat and i have a deviated septum. please, contain yourselves. anyhow, he says even if i lose weight, the apnea will probably not go away because the deviation is so severe. i enjoy being a deviant, but not this kind. funny thing is i've never broken my nose or anything. i just have a defective nose. anyhow, he suggest surgery and since i'm such a chicken shit, i pass. time passes, i gain all the weight i lost back, the apnea continues. i have a machine to help with it which i struggle with all the time. more recently, i finally dropped 60 pounds, no improvement in the apnea area. granted, i still have some to go, but you think you'd see a BIT of improvement. nope. none. nada, zip, zero, zilch. that would be too easy. last week, i get referred to a new ENT for unexplained diziness and i think "great, i can talk to him about the apnea," which i did. he said my jaw is set too far back making everything that has to fit in the throat kind of cramped. he said i have a "space issue" which i thought sounded kind of funny. so, surgery for the nose won't stop the apnea and neither will losing weight. this little newsflash is the best damn thing i've ever heard and the worst thing i've ever heard all at the same time. it is awesome because the painful surgery to correct my defective nose is not a necessity. he gave me a spray to dilate my nasal passages and said that should help. i'm a chicken so i'll spray some medicine up my nose every day for the rest of my life quite happily just so i don't have to go through surgery. on the other hand, this is horrible news because i find apnea to be embarassing and it makes me feel ugly. so, i had hope in the back of my mind that if i ever got up the balls to have the surgery (after i was convinced weight loss hadn't done the trick) that there would be light at the end of the "ugliness" tunnel for me. now there is not.
i am martha stewart's lesbian sister
inspired by my success, my grandmother asked me to help her plan a menu so she could start a low carb diet. now, i tend to eat the same stuff quite a bit and i knew she wouldn't be too happy with that, so i couldn't just give her a sample of my menu. i still cook or help wifey cook “regular” meals and always do something else for myself since i am the only one low carbing in the house. i usually fix something quick for myself in the interest of time. since I’m not picky, it winds up being a lot of grilled chicken and veggies. so, i dug up some recipes i had stored and searched online for more to build her menu. before i recommend them, however, i'm trying them to make sure they are decent. so, i've been cooking almost every day now. i have to say, i am LOVING it! i've made low carb "rolls", flax bread (banana nut bread no less!), hamburger pie, 2 different chicken casseroles and on and on. today i am eating the last of the mexican chicken bake for lunch. talk about yummy. oh and for dessert? low carb fudge! it is soooo good!
i am madly in love with my wife
some of you modblog peeps may remember the moyo files. for those of you who don't know, my wife is cuban and she is constantly making up her own pronunciations for english words which always crack me up. "moyo" was her pronunciation of "mojo". she turned hover into hoover. the list goes on. so the other night, i am telling her that my hands feel swollen and its really uncomfortable (its pms. yes, i know, LOVELY conversation. whatever, its life. besides, she’s a girl, she understands how i feel). i tell her i feel like a blowfish. she asked if that was like a "pucker" fish. not puffer fish, but a pucker fish. when i giggled she said, you know, "pucker' fish and blew me a kiss. i love that crazy woman.
i am on a plateau
i haven't lost a pound since we moved to the new house. i'm approaching two months of no movement again. i'm trying to be patient, but its getting harder. wavering willpower is never an issue for me, but patience is. my body seems to like to lose, wait, lose, wait, lose, wait. i'd rather it lose lose lose lose lose.
i am doing new things at work
i got a raise awhile back (over a year ago) because my boss wanted me to "revamp" the operations department. then they gave me a title. director of operations. umm... ok, thats why the vp still considers me his assistant, right? (that was what i was originally hired for) i was stuck in this running my own department/being someone's assistant gray area that was quite frustrating to me. i did a lot of the "operations" duties, but not all of the and the ones i didn't do seemed arbitrarily chosen by my boss to be kept as his tasks. fast forward to current events and the vp is FINALLY handing over the rest of operations duties to me. i am actually enjoying it quite a bit. its scary times out there for a small company in our industry, but i am taking the challenge on and i'm ready to REALLY revamp things now. work smarter not harder! being able to do what i need to do without waiting for someone else has really freed me up to be ... productive! so while most people are scared out of their minds, i'm feeling like a new woman. besides, i love a challenge. so now i have the duties to match the raise. only thing is, i need another raise now to match the new duties. LOL.
and finally...
i am outta here! peace, love and hair grease, peeps!
Posted: 2:57 PM, 2/29/2008
*********************************************
no, this isn't another one of those posts about my conflicting opinions of myself or the many different sides of my personally. it is a "state of the union" in sections. i started with "i am defective" as the title and then realized i wanted to add few more things, so i added to the list of things that i am. so, for your reading pleasure (lol) here's what’s up in my world:
i am defective
some of you may remember that i have sleep apnea. it is not pretty, but it is reality. i was told first that it was because i was overweight. that began my first serious journey with atkins years ago. i struggled with it off and on, but never lost enough to make a difference (so i thought). then when i wind up at an ENT for some unrelated problem, he tells me that i have a "severely" deviated septum. yeah, i just get hotter by the second. i'm fat and i have a deviated septum. please, contain yourselves. anyhow, he says even if i lose weight, the apnea will probably not go away because the deviation is so severe. i enjoy being a deviant, but not this kind. funny thing is i've never broken my nose or anything. i just have a defective nose. anyhow, he suggest surgery and since i'm such a chicken shit, i pass. time passes, i gain all the weight i lost back, the apnea continues. i have a machine to help with it which i struggle with all the time. more recently, i finally dropped 60 pounds, no improvement in the apnea area. granted, i still have some to go, but you think you'd see a BIT of improvement. nope. none. nada, zip, zero, zilch. that would be too easy. last week, i get referred to a new ENT for unexplained diziness and i think "great, i can talk to him about the apnea," which i did. he said my jaw is set too far back making everything that has to fit in the throat kind of cramped. he said i have a "space issue" which i thought sounded kind of funny. so, surgery for the nose won't stop the apnea and neither will losing weight. this little newsflash is the best damn thing i've ever heard and the worst thing i've ever heard all at the same time. it is awesome because the painful surgery to correct my defective nose is not a necessity. he gave me a spray to dilate my nasal passages and said that should help. i'm a chicken so i'll spray some medicine up my nose every day for the rest of my life quite happily just so i don't have to go through surgery. on the other hand, this is horrible news because i find apnea to be embarassing and it makes me feel ugly. so, i had hope in the back of my mind that if i ever got up the balls to have the surgery (after i was convinced weight loss hadn't done the trick) that there would be light at the end of the "ugliness" tunnel for me. now there is not.
i am martha stewart's lesbian sister
inspired by my success, my grandmother asked me to help her plan a menu so she could start a low carb diet. now, i tend to eat the same stuff quite a bit and i knew she wouldn't be too happy with that, so i couldn't just give her a sample of my menu. i still cook or help wifey cook “regular” meals and always do something else for myself since i am the only one low carbing in the house. i usually fix something quick for myself in the interest of time. since I’m not picky, it winds up being a lot of grilled chicken and veggies. so, i dug up some recipes i had stored and searched online for more to build her menu. before i recommend them, however, i'm trying them to make sure they are decent. so, i've been cooking almost every day now. i have to say, i am LOVING it! i've made low carb "rolls", flax bread (banana nut bread no less!), hamburger pie, 2 different chicken casseroles and on and on. today i am eating the last of the mexican chicken bake for lunch. talk about yummy. oh and for dessert? low carb fudge! it is soooo good!
i am madly in love with my wife
some of you modblog peeps may remember the moyo files. for those of you who don't know, my wife is cuban and she is constantly making up her own pronunciations for english words which always crack me up. "moyo" was her pronunciation of "mojo". she turned hover into hoover. the list goes on. so the other night, i am telling her that my hands feel swollen and its really uncomfortable (its pms. yes, i know, LOVELY conversation. whatever, its life. besides, she’s a girl, she understands how i feel). i tell her i feel like a blowfish. she asked if that was like a "pucker" fish. not puffer fish, but a pucker fish. when i giggled she said, you know, "pucker' fish and blew me a kiss. i love that crazy woman.
i am on a plateau
i haven't lost a pound since we moved to the new house. i'm approaching two months of no movement again. i'm trying to be patient, but its getting harder. wavering willpower is never an issue for me, but patience is. my body seems to like to lose, wait, lose, wait, lose, wait. i'd rather it lose lose lose lose lose.
i am doing new things at work
i got a raise awhile back (over a year ago) because my boss wanted me to "revamp" the operations department. then they gave me a title. director of operations. umm... ok, thats why the vp still considers me his assistant, right? (that was what i was originally hired for) i was stuck in this running my own department/being someone's assistant gray area that was quite frustrating to me. i did a lot of the "operations" duties, but not all of the and the ones i didn't do seemed arbitrarily chosen by my boss to be kept as his tasks. fast forward to current events and the vp is FINALLY handing over the rest of operations duties to me. i am actually enjoying it quite a bit. its scary times out there for a small company in our industry, but i am taking the challenge on and i'm ready to REALLY revamp things now. work smarter not harder! being able to do what i need to do without waiting for someone else has really freed me up to be ... productive! so while most people are scared out of their minds, i'm feeling like a new woman. besides, i love a challenge. so now i have the duties to match the raise. only thing is, i need another raise now to match the new duties. LOL.
and finally...
i am outta here! peace, love and hair grease, peeps!
Posted: 2:57 PM, 2/29/2008
Thursday, October 25, 2007
shocked and sad
this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.
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well, i had a whole post written about wanting to break out and do something different, but it all seems selfish and juvenile now. i just heard from the wife of a good friend of mine. apparently my friend took his own life on 10/12. my heart breaks for him, for the pain he must have been in to make that decision, for his wife, for his kids. he was an awesome friend to me and i loved him very much. his absence leaves a hole in my heart.
only because i took the time to write it when i should have been working and because i know that once i am over the shock, i will still want to do something wild, below is my original post. aside from that, i am a big beleiver in honoring loved ones when they pass by doing something they enjoyed. my friend was definitely a wild child and i can't think of a better way to honor his memory than by being a little wild. he used to call it living on the "dark side". my dear friend, i will spend a night on the dark side in your honor soon.
(tommyfusco, you would be happy to know that this post was originally entitled "its not unusual" because it actually fit the post. see the first line below)
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its not unusual for me to be in this mood. life in the spaceystacey/greenfairy household can get overwhelming with a quickness and lately it has happened again. real life has sucked us in and doesn't seem to want to let us back out any time soon. between kids, guests, being sick, dogs, moms, and the like, we have had very little time for any real fun. it is always at times like this that i want to "break out" as i put it. i need a weekend, or at least a night to get back in touch with my little wild side. as an adult, i realize it can't be party time 24/7, but i haven't had party time in way too long and i need that to stay grounded. i'm very happy being the martha stewart-ish step mommy and wife, but every once in awhile i need to break out the strap on, get drunk, get inked, etc. its just part of the dichotomy that is me. i like martha stewart and strap ons. i like mozart and metallica. i look like a good girl, but i curse like a sailor quite often. i look shy and reserved, but i've got three tattoos.
the question is i don't know what to do. ideas?
Posted: 4:20 PM, 10/25/2007
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well, i had a whole post written about wanting to break out and do something different, but it all seems selfish and juvenile now. i just heard from the wife of a good friend of mine. apparently my friend took his own life on 10/12. my heart breaks for him, for the pain he must have been in to make that decision, for his wife, for his kids. he was an awesome friend to me and i loved him very much. his absence leaves a hole in my heart.
only because i took the time to write it when i should have been working and because i know that once i am over the shock, i will still want to do something wild, below is my original post. aside from that, i am a big beleiver in honoring loved ones when they pass by doing something they enjoyed. my friend was definitely a wild child and i can't think of a better way to honor his memory than by being a little wild. he used to call it living on the "dark side". my dear friend, i will spend a night on the dark side in your honor soon.
(tommyfusco, you would be happy to know that this post was originally entitled "its not unusual" because it actually fit the post. see the first line below)
*****************************************************************************
its not unusual for me to be in this mood. life in the spaceystacey/greenfairy household can get overwhelming with a quickness and lately it has happened again. real life has sucked us in and doesn't seem to want to let us back out any time soon. between kids, guests, being sick, dogs, moms, and the like, we have had very little time for any real fun. it is always at times like this that i want to "break out" as i put it. i need a weekend, or at least a night to get back in touch with my little wild side. as an adult, i realize it can't be party time 24/7, but i haven't had party time in way too long and i need that to stay grounded. i'm very happy being the martha stewart-ish step mommy and wife, but every once in awhile i need to break out the strap on, get drunk, get inked, etc. its just part of the dichotomy that is me. i like martha stewart and strap ons. i like mozart and metallica. i look like a good girl, but i curse like a sailor quite often. i look shy and reserved, but i've got three tattoos.
the question is i don't know what to do. ideas?
Posted: 4:20 PM, 10/25/2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
today
this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.
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today i realized that i've failed the one i love. i gave what i thought was my best but it wasn't what was truly needed. i thought the more i sacrificed and the more i denied myself those things that would cause her to lose sight of her goal, the better things would be in the end. i thought the more i supported, picked up the slack, cheered her on and helped her out made up for anything else that might be lacking. but the realization hit me today like a runaway pickup truck that what she truly needed, deep down in her heart, wasn't what i was giving. i thought she'd understand, thought she knew it wasn't in my nature, thought those things didn't need to be said. instead, the emptiness left by what i'm not giving has grown out of control. i did what i thought was the best i could do, tried as hard as i could, but she still couldn't see what i really felt and now the fact that i have not been able to give her what she needs is breaking my heart. its not like i didn't want to. its not like i didn't try (or at least i thought i did). so why are we not both smiling right now? why do i have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes?
this morning i was relishing the twinges of soreness in my muscles, loving the little reminders that i am on a path to looking and feeling better. (i've been doing pilates every morning to speed up the transformation i'm after). i was high on life this morning and now i'm in the pits of despair, blaming myself for her unhappiness. it is moments like this that make me seriously wonder if i could be bipolar. how else could i go from such a high to feeling as low as i do at this moment?
*********************************************
today i realized that i've failed the one i love. i gave what i thought was my best but it wasn't what was truly needed. i thought the more i sacrificed and the more i denied myself those things that would cause her to lose sight of her goal, the better things would be in the end. i thought the more i supported, picked up the slack, cheered her on and helped her out made up for anything else that might be lacking. but the realization hit me today like a runaway pickup truck that what she truly needed, deep down in her heart, wasn't what i was giving. i thought she'd understand, thought she knew it wasn't in my nature, thought those things didn't need to be said. instead, the emptiness left by what i'm not giving has grown out of control. i did what i thought was the best i could do, tried as hard as i could, but she still couldn't see what i really felt and now the fact that i have not been able to give her what she needs is breaking my heart. its not like i didn't want to. its not like i didn't try (or at least i thought i did). so why are we not both smiling right now? why do i have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes?
this morning i was relishing the twinges of soreness in my muscles, loving the little reminders that i am on a path to looking and feeling better. (i've been doing pilates every morning to speed up the transformation i'm after). i was high on life this morning and now i'm in the pits of despair, blaming myself for her unhappiness. it is moments like this that make me seriously wonder if i could be bipolar. how else could i go from such a high to feeling as low as i do at this moment?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
swallowed whole
this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.
*********************************************
my life has swallowed me whole and its taken my mojo with it. i had a similar dry spell in the modblog days but it was because wifey and i were going through a rough patch. that is beyond over now. it just seems like real life and its frenetic pace has swallowed me up. i'm posting from inside the belly of the beast. i have much to say and nothing at all. i have tons of inspiration in spurts and then long periods of nothing.
seriously,
i'm here, i want to blog. i want to be brilliant. but it just doesn't come out. wifey told me (not for the first time) that i should write a book or a short story or something. i can't even find blogging inspiration, much less heftier pursuits. i wish i had one tenth of the faith in myself that she has in me.
on the update front, i'm well, wifey is well. i'll be travelling to texas for work soon and working in a visit to the grandparents (and hopefully my oldest and dearest friend too). work has been a bitch and a half lately with no signs of letting up anytime soon.
somebody throw me a life preserver!
*********************************************
my life has swallowed me whole and its taken my mojo with it. i had a similar dry spell in the modblog days but it was because wifey and i were going through a rough patch. that is beyond over now. it just seems like real life and its frenetic pace has swallowed me up. i'm posting from inside the belly of the beast. i have much to say and nothing at all. i have tons of inspiration in spurts and then long periods of nothing.
seriously,
i'm here, i want to blog. i want to be brilliant. but it just doesn't come out. wifey told me (not for the first time) that i should write a book or a short story or something. i can't even find blogging inspiration, much less heftier pursuits. i wish i had one tenth of the faith in myself that she has in me.
on the update front, i'm well, wifey is well. i'll be travelling to texas for work soon and working in a visit to the grandparents (and hopefully my oldest and dearest friend too). work has been a bitch and a half lately with no signs of letting up anytime soon.
somebody throw me a life preserver!
Sunday, May 7, 2006
WTF?
this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.
*********************************************
how does time get away from me? how is it that i have so many pending projects? how is it that i haven't finished them? do most people not have much time for themselves? why do i remember watching my grandparents have time to watch tv all evening after dinner and read the paper and do crossword puzzles, etc? how is it that i am still trying to finish a blanket i started for wifey's dog several months ago? not to mention all the other craft projects i have pending, that book i always dream of writing one day, the long list of music i've been waiting to download and put on my ipod (one of which is the song currently playing on grim's blog. i'm LOVING it), the cd's i promised to burn for budaboy (i haven't forgotten you, hon). does this happen to everyone?
I'm feeling: hangin' Listening to: TV (ed, edd & eddy)
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how does time get away from me? how is it that i have so many pending projects? how is it that i haven't finished them? do most people not have much time for themselves? why do i remember watching my grandparents have time to watch tv all evening after dinner and read the paper and do crossword puzzles, etc? how is it that i am still trying to finish a blanket i started for wifey's dog several months ago? not to mention all the other craft projects i have pending, that book i always dream of writing one day, the long list of music i've been waiting to download and put on my ipod (one of which is the song currently playing on grim's blog. i'm LOVING it), the cd's i promised to burn for budaboy (i haven't forgotten you, hon). does this happen to everyone?
I'm feeling: hangin' Listening to: TV (ed, edd & eddy)
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