i am...

this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2blogs). some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.

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no, this isn't another one of those posts about my conflicting opinions of myself or the many different sides of my personally. it is a "state of the union" in sections. i started with "i am defective" as the title and then realized i wanted to add few more things, so i added to the list of things that i am. so, for your reading pleasure (lol) here's what’s up in my world:

i am defective
some of you may remember that i have sleep apnea. it is not pretty, but it is reality. i was told first that it was because i was overweight. that began my first serious journey with atkins years ago. i struggled with it off and on, but never lost enough to make a difference (so i thought). then when i wind up at an ENT for some unrelated problem, he tells me that i have a "severely" deviated septum. yeah, i just get hotter by the second. i'm fat and i have a deviated septum. please, contain yourselves. anyhow, he says even if i lose weight, the apnea will probably not go away because the deviation is so severe. i enjoy being a deviant, but not this kind. funny thing is i've never broken my nose or anything. i just have a defective nose. anyhow, he suggest surgery and since i'm such a chicken shit, i pass. time passes, i gain all the weight i lost back, the apnea continues. i have a machine to help with it which i struggle with all the time. more recently, i finally dropped 60 pounds, no improvement in the apnea area. granted, i still have some to go, but you think you'd see a BIT of improvement. nope. none. nada, zip, zero, zilch. that would be too easy. last week, i get referred to a new ENT for unexplained diziness and i think "great, i can talk to him about the apnea," which i did. he said my jaw is set too far back making everything that has to fit in the throat kind of cramped. he said i have a "space issue" which i thought sounded kind of funny. so, surgery for the nose won't stop the apnea and neither will losing weight. this little newsflash is the best damn thing i've ever heard and the worst thing i've ever heard all at the same time. it is awesome because the painful surgery to correct my defective nose is not a necessity. he gave me a spray to dilate my nasal passages and said that should help. i'm a chicken so i'll spray some medicine up my nose every day for the rest of my life quite happily just so i don't have to go through surgery. on the other hand, this is horrible news because i find apnea to be embarassing and it makes me feel ugly. so, i had hope in the back of my mind that if i ever got up the balls to have the surgery (after i was convinced weight loss hadn't done the trick) that there would be light at the end of the "ugliness" tunnel for me. now there is not.

i am martha stewart's lesbian sister
inspired by my success, my grandmother asked me to help her plan a menu so she could start a low carb diet. now, i tend to eat the same stuff quite a bit and i knew she wouldn't be too happy with that, so i couldn't just give her a sample of my menu. i still cook or help wifey cook “regular” meals and always do something else for myself since i am the only one low carbing in the house. i usually fix something quick for myself in the interest of time. since I’m not picky, it winds up being a lot of grilled chicken and veggies. so, i dug up some recipes i had stored and searched online for more to build her menu. before i recommend them, however, i'm trying them to make sure they are decent. so, i've been cooking almost every day now. i have to say, i am LOVING it! i've made low carb "rolls", flax bread (banana nut bread no less!), hamburger pie, 2 different chicken casseroles and on and on. today i am eating the last of the mexican chicken bake for lunch. talk about yummy. oh and for dessert? low carb fudge! it is soooo good!

i am madly in love with my wife
some of you modblog peeps may remember the moyo files. for those of you who don't know, my wife is cuban and she is constantly making up her own pronunciations for english words which always crack me up. "moyo" was her pronunciation of "mojo". she turned hover into hoover. the list goes on. so the other night, i am telling her that my hands feel swollen and its really uncomfortable (its pms. yes, i know, LOVELY conversation. whatever, its life. besides, she’s a girl, she understands how i feel). i tell her i feel like a blowfish. she asked if that was like a "pucker" fish. not puffer fish, but a pucker fish. when i giggled she said, you know, "pucker' fish and blew me a kiss. i love that crazy woman.

i am on a plateau
i haven't lost a pound since we moved to the new house. i'm approaching two months of no movement again. i'm trying to be patient, but its getting harder. wavering willpower is never an issue for me, but patience is. my body seems to like to lose, wait, lose, wait, lose, wait. i'd rather it lose lose lose lose lose.

i am doing new things at work
i got a raise awhile back (over a year ago) because my boss wanted me to "revamp" the operations department. then they gave me a title. director of operations. umm... ok, thats why the vp still considers me his assistant, right? (that was what i was originally hired for) i was stuck in this running my own department/being someone's assistant gray area that was quite frustrating to me. i did a lot of the "operations" duties, but not all of the and the ones i didn't do seemed arbitrarily chosen by my boss to be kept as his tasks. fast forward to current events and the vp is FINALLY handing over the rest of operations duties to me. i am actually enjoying it quite a bit. its scary times out there for a small company in our industry, but i am taking the challenge on and i'm ready to REALLY revamp things now. work smarter not harder! being able to do what i need to do without waiting for someone else has really freed me up to be ... productive! so while most people are scared out of their minds, i'm feeling like a new woman. besides, i love a challenge. so now i have the duties to match the raise. only thing is, i need another raise now to match the new duties. LOL.

and finally...
i am outta here! peace, love and hair grease, peeps!


Posted: 2:57 PM, 2/29/2008