this is a copy of an old post from my old blog (efx2 which then became efx2blogs). in the end, the final incarnation (efx2blogs) went down one too many times for me, so i switched to blogger. i was able to recover most of my older stuff (efx2) from archive.org. some smilies, graphics, and/or links may be missing, but you get the idea.
*********************************************
wasn't i just feeling all enlightened the other day? wasn't it me talking about zen masters and shit? i know it was, but i don't feel so zen master-ish today, thats for sure. what is it with me? am i just destined to have these mood swings all my life or what? i'm BEYOND cranky today. i know what started it (fight with wifey this morning) and i know what added fuel to the fire (mother-fucker of a day at work) but, its more than that. i miss my family. i'm going to see them in a few days but we only get 4 days together. while i do know that is better than nothing, i can't help but want more. i want to see them every day, hug and kiss them every day. not get 4 days every 2 years. aside from that, i seem to have this recurring feeling that something is missing, this deep down frustration with the state of affairs. i've run down my laundry list a few times and i can't quite put my finger on it. wifey - check. happy with the relationship, madly in love, feel loved in return. work - check. love the people i work with. stressful job, but interesting. laid back work environment. financial - check. we are scrimping and scrounging, but so far nothing has been cut off and the rent is always on time. i could do without the stress of it all, but it could be worse. health - definitely NOT a check, but not enough to cause what i'm feeling (at least i don't think so). self esteem - again, definitely not a check, but not enough to cause what i'm feeling.
on another note, i'll be going to disney thursday through sunday. ya'll better miss me.
I'm feeling: like you might wanna back the fuck up
Comments (10) | General
ReplyDeleteComment Replies
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: benthere | [ + ]
Date: Nov 01, 2006 at 07:51 AM ( 6 months, 2 weeks ago )
The inexplicable state of suspended discomfort.
I know it well.
When you figure out how to strangle it and squelch the beast, please let me know.
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: ZenZenZo | Guest
Date: Nov 01, 2006 at 07:54 AM ( 6 months, 2 weeks ago )
Nothing like a little self-indulgent rant every now and again, is there?
Before enlightenment: chop wood and carry water.
After enlightenment: chop wood and carry water.
Try this: learn patience. It should only take you a lifetime or so.
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: spaceystacey | [ + ]
Date: Nov 01, 2006 at 08:25 PM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
zenzenzo: the point of this post is that i was just talking about centering and there i was doing the exact opposite and i couldn't even explain why. i didn't expect my whole life to change with one simple realization. and just as a side note, i am definitely trying to learn patience. i get a chance to practice every day too. with comments like this, for example.
nothing like a little comment on a blog when you totally missed the point, is there?
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: Enidation | [ + ]
Date: Nov 02, 2006 at 03:23 AM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
Hang in there. you go through bouts like this often. It will pass or change something drastic.
Maybe you should do a serious check on your life, and be completely 100% honest with yourself. Because only you can tell what is wrong (if there is something wrong) in your life, so only you can answer this question.
You may know the answers, but you aren't really read to admit it to yourself.
e
Life would be much easier if I had the source code
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: Suniath | [ + ]
Date: Nov 02, 2006 at 08:23 PM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
hormones man *yells and runs, scared of being close enough for a smack*
actually. and this is just my opinion and whether u want it or not u r getting it hehe: its the mongoose that eats the eggs. not the elephant. maybe its all those: "check, well almost"s that you need to look at.
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: zelle | [ + ]
Date: Nov 03, 2006 at 01:26 PM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
meh... have fun and go mad
<--- maybe you need a spanking??? ehehhe
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: grimfairy | [ + ]
Date: Nov 03, 2006 at 09:27 PM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
Welcome to my world!!! One day I'll be the lovable and gentle creature then the next I'm the vindictive, sour bitch. It's just those built up frustrations that you don't voice. You push them in and seemingly forget about them. Just scream if you have to or yell when you want. It will make you feel a hundred times better!
I only hurt the ones I love.
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: greenfairy | [ + ]
Date: Nov 04, 2006 at 05:34 AM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
i love u big
"Its not easy being GREEN."
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: Queenie | [ + ]
Date: Nov 06, 2006 at 12:40 PM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
Stacey,
My hub has em too...in a big way. The kids and I learned to cope or to drag him kicking and screaming out of them.
Its all part of what makes you - you. Mood swings or not, I think you rock. I hope ya had a blast with your family. I am certain that you had fun playing with Mickey and his pals.
Happy Monday
~I have learned that people will forget the things you said, they will forget the things you did, but they will never forget the way you made them feel. ~
RE: what is it with me?
Posted by: spaceystacey | [ + ]
Date: Nov 06, 2006 at 02:55 PM ( 6 months, 1 week ago )
thanks for all the advice and support, peeps. i appreciate it.
i was able to do some thinking this weekend. enid said maybe i knew what was wrong and didn't want to admit it, so i thought, ok, lets think long and hard. what it is that i wasn't admitting to myself was the fact that it was just hormones. nothing is missing, i have the same stressors as most people. i was just a bitch on wheels that day. and it will happen again, i'm sure cuz as she said, i go through that now and then. plus i was having a bad day at work that day. that only complicates things when you already feeel moody. thankfully i have my wonderful, amazing, beautiful (you get the point) wifey to run home to and get hugs and kisses to make it all better.